I’ve really missed Blake Lively. She’s gone into semi-hiding the past couple of years, her and her long legs and hot body and alluring looks and poses. But when the gong sounds and it’s time for decked out A-lister on the red carpet, you can bet Blake will be there schooling the lesser girls in the art of winning every photographer’s attention.
So it was at the Cannes premiere for Mr. Turner, where Blake wore something expensive and important, I’m sure, but more importantly reminded me why I had her name henna tattooed onto a body part that is technically illegal to do in the Lower 48. Blake, someday, I’d love to have you as my dolled up arm candy to one of the important events I attend. Like the retro-arcade opening I’m going to next week, or waiting in line at the Donut shop for the first morning batch. I like to take my ladies around town to show them off. Call me, I’ll make you feel like a woman. Enjoy.
I can’t say Cannes is exactly where’d you expect to see Kendall Jenner, but what the heck. Tall, pretty, 18-year old girls are pretty much welcome anywhere they want to go. Blake Lively was also in attendance at the Grace of Monaco premiere at Cannes and she can light up a red carpet with hotness like nobody’s business. Joining the twosome in the sextastic was cleavy Adele Exarchopoulos from only one of the best erotic lesbionic films of last year that broke big at Cannes.
Quite an assembly at the snooty French film festival that does delight our visual senses annually with many of the world’s hottest women getting decked out to walk its massive red carpets. It’s a square deal for us gentleman oglers, especially since we’re never forced to go see these films lauded at Cannes as must-sees. No sir, bring me Godzilla! Enjoy.
Personally, being the geek that I am, I prefer to refer to Godzilla by his original name, Gojira, as he appeared in black and white and Japanese back in 1954. But, my nerd colors pale in comparison to my lust for all things boobtastic including Made in Chelsea reality star Cheska Hull who made her funbags the center of attention at the Godzilla premiere in London over the weekend. Now, you too may find the irony in meeting a woman named Cheska because of her chestal reveals, but, irony aside, that is one killer dress.
There really is no season or reason not befitting a solid yam show in public. I’m super psyched to see Godzilla this coming weekend. If I could attend the flick with a woman of bosomy exhibitionist talents, well, that is the dream. Cheska, call me, I’m in the book under Bastard, Horny. Enjoy.
Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Roberts were their usual hot selves at the New York City premiere of X-Men: Days Of Future Past. Jennifer, who plays everyone’s favorite nekkid blue chick Mystique, wore a body clinging fuzzy dress. The outfit shows off her lovely shoulders and back and accentuates those legendary curves. Emma Roberts was there to support her lucky fiance Evan Peters who plays Quicksilver in the movie. Emma had on a low cut pink dress that showed off some of that famous cleavage. They should cast Emma in the next X-Men movie. Her mutant power can be turning any man who sees her into a quivering bowl of Jell-O. She and Jennifer could square off in the climactic scene in which they battle to see who is the hottest in a giant kiddie pool full of KY Jelly.
I’m available to write the screenplay for this epic. We can call it X-Men: Days Of Future Stiffies or something like that. We can work on the title.
When it comes to red carpet competitions, I pity the poor woman who even attempts to keep up with Sofia Vergara. Between that veteran hot body, those twin fiestas of joy, and the experience to put it all together in one camera-attracting ball of must-shoot hotness, Sofia is really the queen of the red carpet hill. She’s an unstoppable force of the decked out sextastic, again at the premiere of Chef at the Tribeca Film Festival.
I have a feeling Sofia Vergara looks wicked hot and put together just going to take a tinkle in the morning. I might be projecting my dreams a bit, but she just always looks like a million bucks. Oh, to be the guy who gets to cinch up her blessedly bodacious top. Who I wouldn’t knock into the river to get that gig. Enjoy.
I can’t help but feel like The Other Woman has been coming out in theaters for about ten years now. Maybe just because we’ve been tracking this film and it’s boobtastic cast for so long now during production. But it’s finally here. Which means red carpet. Which means big cleavage shows for a chick flick about affairs and fooling around and revenge and other things women love that I don’t quite understand. But I do totally get Cameron Diaz in a low cut dress, who along with Kate Upton being her bosomy self and a surprise chesty appearance from the funbags of Nicki Minaj, made for one ripe melon filled red carpet in Los Angeles.
Now, whether or not your woman makes you go to see this movie, that’s between you and your conscious. Yes, I know, Kate Upton and Cameron Diaz and bikinis and yadda yadda. We’ve seen all the photos. Do as you must, my wayward son. Just, please, don’t explain yourself after the fact. It’s in the details where we lose our souls. Enjoy.
Actress Maitland Ward wore an outfit that was anything but scary to the A Haunted House 2 premiere in LA. The dress was completely see through except for a thin strip of black fabric that covered her nips and lady bits just barely. You could still see full cleavage and the lower part of her amazing breasts. She also took the liberty of not wearing underwear. You know this because you can clearly see the cut of her panty area through the sheer dress. Did I mention it was also really short? I’ve seen examining gowns at gynecologist offices that were longer than this dress. You can see all of her silky legs going right to her no-no spot. Basically, she is as close to being naked as she can be without getting arrested.
I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie but if supporting the Wayans brothers means more displays like this than it is definitely worth the price of admission.