Carmen Electra could show up in a burqa fresh from a day in the hot sun planting potatoes and I’d find her beyond ravishing. But you give her a couple hours to doll up and put on some cleavage baring get up for a red carpet premiere and she takes it to a whole new level.
The 40-something Electra stole the show at the Expendables 3 premiere in Hollywood. The movie series might be getting a bit long in the tooth, but all I can think about with Carmen Electra and that veteran hot body of hers is nibbling off the belt and letting gravity take its course. Oh, the fun and giggles we would have after that private time wardrobe malfunction. Carmen Electra is pure living enticement. I am pure living lust. We really need to join forces in an arena of sweat. Enjoy.
See how I combined Sextastic with Expendables and made up a whole new SEO search term? That’s why I earn my minimum wage dollars instead of loafing around like, well, like I do most of the time. Kimberley Garner inspires such genius creativity on my part, with her absolutely stunningly perfect petite framed body and whoever is brilliantly advising her on her choice of public wardrobe.
Kimberley specializes in sideboob for evening affairs, as she was showing off at the U.K. premiere of The Expendables Part Eleventeen, where the guys break into a drugstore late night for Bengay and hearing aids. I’m sure it’s genius. Though not nearly as naturally magnificent as Kimberley Garner’s blessed funbags. Enjoy.
It’s finally here. Not sure you’ve been waiting for it, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opens Friday among what is now a completely died down controversy over everything. All that is left to do is bring out the hotties for the Hollywood Premiere, as they did last night including movie starlet Megan Fox looking rather MILFtastic fine, Bella Thorne who were leather shorts quite certain to be noticed, newcomer Ginny Gardner who is nineteen and ready to explode in Tinsel Town, and Jordana Brewster who could be my fake prom date to the prom set up in my basement any day. I would be a lucky man.
I’ll say this for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It may only be the 1287th best idea for a comic book turned movie, but those turtles do manage to get the hot girls to come out for the evening. Just like your idiotic classmate in college who had the same inexplicable powers, you called him friend. Enjoy.
Selena Gomez has been all over the places these days. All around the world exploring new places and people and other kinds of experimentation perhaps of the Sapphic variety. But she made her way back to Los Angeles to pimp her new movie, Behaving Badly, which while it does contain nudity, sadly, won’t be Selena Gomez baring any of her wares.
Selena is looking extra fine these days after some rest and relaxation and scissor kissing and the like, flashing her lickable midsection on the red carpet for the special screening. Her chest does seem to be noticeably larger, whether that be the mechanics of fashion or some other more involved means, I do not know for sure. But, suffice it to say, I would adore Selena from A cup to DD cup and everywhere in betwixt. I’m flexible like that. Enjoy.
Megan Fox could sell me anything. Even on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While I have a feeling it’s going to insult my childhood something fierce, how I can I really skip any movie with the delicious brunette sextastic Megan Fox running around in tight sweaters. I’d watching her cleaning stables dressed like that.
Megan Fox was the star of the red carpet for the TMNT premiere in Mexico City, where she showed off her svelt figure and perfectly toned legs and make everybody stop carrying about the turtles origin stories and similar fan boy divisions. It was just about imagining April O’Neil diligently reporting on the feelings of passions running up and down your nervous system. The tingles have spoken. I will see you opening day, Megan. Sucker am I. Enjoy.
Despite my rather unfavorable review of Transformers: Age of Extinction, there was one obviously shining element to the film, the lovely and talented and blonde hotness that is Nicola Peltz. T
he young sextastic actress got the full Michael Bay treatment in the film, similar to Megan Fox and Rosie Huntington Whiteley before her. If there’s one thing Michael Bay does well, it’s turning young starlets into total sexpots with powerful lighting and unbuttoned tops in his movies. Nicola Peltz might have had twenty stupid lines to recite, but she looked pretty stellar doing so.
Nicola looked like a million plus one half million dollars in tight white dress on the red carpet of the Berlin premiere of the movie. Wow, just so damn hot. Did she make the film worth watching? Almost. I’d rather have just seen her trying on her various revealing wardrobes, but that option wasn’t given. Someday I hope. Nicola, we need to see much more of you. Enjoy.
Olivia Munn comes in and out of our lives like an old girlfriend who we can’t shake. Only, she never was our girlfriend and we never got to nibble on her toes after sex like we always imagined. Maybe that was before sex, as it’s hard for me to imagine doing anything but watching a ball game after. Still, the Olivia Munn allure was so strong for so many years, it felt like we really had something there. Then Olivia went off to network television and a couple horrible movies and we had to take a break. She just looked frazzled and tired and not in the lost weekend good kind of way.
Olivia has since returned with full throttle sextastic, including her cleavy red carpet winning appearance for the premiere of Deliver Us from Evil. I’m sure the film is awesome, though I can’t say I remember hearing about it, but not nearly as eye-popping as Olivia in a low cut top that really wouldn’t take much effort to lower even further. If only my telekinetic powers weren’t currently being restrained by a cadmium shield placed around my brain by the government. I’m pretty sure that happened. Or maybe this throbbing is just a hangover. In any case, Olivia, let’s reconnect. You can be the girl next door and I can be the ruffian you fool around with to make your daddy angry. Enjoy.