Machete Kills

Alexa Vega Brings Out the Big Guns for Machete Kills Press Conference

Wow, talk about making a grand entrance. Former Spy Kid turned hottie Latina buxom beauty, Alexa Vega, brought out the super cleavetastic for the Machete Kills press conference. I guess a lot of media types asked a lot of important questions at the event, though mostly I have to believe everybody was staring at the full-chested goodness of Alexa Vega and wondering when we might see her topless. I might be projecting my feelings, naturally.

There’s nothing more special than when a starlet grows up right before our eyes into a curvaceous sextastic woman. Well, helping her try on silky lingerie at the store would be more special, but you get the general idea. I have no idea if Machete Kills will live up to its hype, but I do know that Alexa Vega already has me hooked. Enjoy.

‘Machete Kills’ Has a New Ad on Your TV (VIDEO)

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Amber Heard is very talented...
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Incase you’ve missed the barrage of clips involving boobs and blood promoting Robert Rodriguez’s Machete Kills, there’s a new ad for the film airing on television. But in addition to boobs and blood, this clip also has a boat.

It just keeps getting better and better.

Machete Kills stars Danny Trejo as the titular blade-wielding super spy who must stop a madman with a nuclear bomb (Mel Gibson) from destroying Washington, D.C. However, Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) and a group of would-be female assassins stands in his way. Also, these women are really hot, and they have guns on their breasts and crotches, which might seem a tad juvenile, but is actually some profoundly insightful satire if you stop and think about it. OK, no it’s not.

Machete Kills hits theaters next week.

Alexa Vega, Sofia Vergara, and Paris Hilton Lead List of Hotties at Machete Kills Premiere

I’m quite nervous about Machete Kills. It seems like a movie I should absolutely positively effin’ love, which always makes me nervous about suffering disappointment. Beneath my obviously unmatchably masculine exterior lies a tender heart of an oft-wounded boy. I’m not sure I could handle this movie sucking.

And how can hopes not be high with the stellar sextastic cast involved, including several Latina hotties who showed up to last night’s movie premiere, including notably Alexa Vega and Sofia Vergara. Both play fine body exhibiting roles in this Spanish shlock fest. All the more reason I can not contain my enthusiasm. This better not be a big fall. Enjoy.

‘Machete Kills’ Looks Like It Was Made by a 12-Year-Old Boy (VIDEO)

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Boobies
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Racial stereotypes, booby darts, and cock guns: These are just a few of the reasons Machete Kills looks like it was made by a bored middle schooler. But is that such a bad thing? After all, if you’re reading Egotastic, you’re probably in touch with your inner twelve-year-old. And like me, you’ll probably enjoy wallowing in Robert Rodriguez‘s crapulence.*

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New ‘Machete Kills’ Trailer Has Some (Literally) Killer Boobtastic (VIDEO)

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Check out all of Machete's Sexy Friends

The new Machete Kills trailer has some rather murderous mammaries. No, literally, Sofia Vergara straps machine gun bewbs to her chest and fires them. Yeah. Pretty wild.

If that’s not a perfect indication of how utterly batshit this iteration of Machete will be, I’ll let the trailer speak for itself. Seriously, check it out: Charlie Sheen (as his real name Carlos Estevez)  is the president and Lady Gaga does stuff covered in a real live Cuba Gooding, Jr. suit. Amber Heard in a Miss San Antonio sash? What’s crazier than that? 

Nothing, my friends. NOTHING.

Oh, and in a shocking ‘just like in real life’ turn, Mel Gibson is the villain.

Mel Gibson’s Back in the ‘Machete Kills’ Trailer (VIDEO)

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A new trailer for Robert Rodriguez’s Machete Kills has hit the web, and it’s en Español. But you don’t really have to speak Spanish to understand what’s going on. Danny Trejo returns as ex-Federale agent Machete, and he’s brought an all-star cast including Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen), Antonio Banderas, Jessica Alba, and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Last but not least, the film also stars Mel “Sugar Tits” Gibson

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Mel, and understandably so. After recordings of various meltdowns and race-baiting tirades were released to the public, his reputation took a major hit. On the one hand, when a guy who’s worth hundreds-of-millions of dollars makes a complete ass of himself by insulting various races and religions, it’s hard to feel sorry for him. But on the other hand, he played Braveheart and Riggs! Based on that alone, doesn’t he deserve a second fifth chance? Considering he works in a town that awarded an Oscar to a fugitive pedophile rapist, I think so.