Emily Ratajkowski Officially Opens the Christmas Lingerie Season

Christmas Lingerie. Santa, you’ll note that’s the first 45 requests in my lengthy list of asks this Yuletide. Specifically, pay attention please to line item 1 where I ask that Emily Ratajkowski in that lingerie be part of a package request. You give me a lump of coal agains this year St. Nick and I will eat one of your reindeer. That’s not a threat, that’s a promise with a recipe for braised Donder attached.

Emily Ratajkowski working her fine self into little bits of lingerie, as she does for this Yamamay holiday sextastic shoot, well, it’s just a thing of art. The star on the top of my rigid Norwegian spruce, if you speak bad arboreal puns and know what I’m saying. One year for Christmas, I literally got a kick in the ass from dad for the holiday. Santa, I’m not begging, but I am pleading, Emily in a babydoll beneath my lifelike Xmas tree in 2014. You have no idea how big a smile I will make. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Yamamay Lingerie

Miranda Kerr Bra and Panties Pimping Softly, But Stiffly, for Wonderbra

I know now that I was born not to play baseball. It took me six different coaches across several years begging me to find a new interest and a .112 batting average before I finally got the hint. What I was born to do, well, you’re reading it everyday I hope, you loyal above average educated beautiful readers. For Miranda Kerr, I bet the path to getting to be what Mother Nature intended for her was far more simple. Nobody wants to tell a young girl someday you’ll grow up and model skimpy lingerie, but I bet some people were thinking it in tbe backs of their heads. And, voila, Miranda is simply one of the single most sextastic purveyors of bras and panties among the seven billion or so human lifeforms roaming the planet.

Pimping for Wonderbra, Miranda Kerr shows exactly why she gets paid the big bucks to make women want to buy the bras she’s wearing. If I were a woman (c’mon, shooting star, pay off, please) I’d want to look like Miranda Kerr under my clothes, over my clothes, out of my clothes, and most especially during bubble bath with a mirror on the ceiling private fun time. Especially then. Oh, Miranda, it’s not only possible you’ve gotten hotter in the past five years, it’s most certainly true. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: GSI

Abigail Ratchford Lingerie Wicked Bosomy Tear-Jerking (Yes, I Said Tear-Jerking) Hot for Kandy

It is possible that my Common Law Pennsylvania Dutch girlfriend Abigail Ratchford has never looked hotter than in this lingerie shoot for Kandy Magazine. Damn, dang, and wahoo says I upon spying this bosomy brunette with the world’s most fun looking body in little bits of bra and panty discretion support. I can’t help but dream about a day spent shopping for lingerie with Abigail, saying ‘yes’ a million times to the question of whether or not the latest modeling silky nothing looks amazing on her. Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes, can we please go now and see how some of it looks against the backdrop of my NFL Fatheads at my place?

I will remember 2014 for many wonderful moments, but the moment Abigail Ratchford came into my ogling life, wow, that’s a time and place and tingling feeling I don’t think I shall ever forget. Just so heavenly soft in all the right places. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Kandy Magazine

Kat Torres Goes Boudoir Lingerie Lace for Water Sales

Maybe in 2015 I’ll finally come to understand WTF this bottled water company is doing shooting hot models daily in bikinis, lingerie, or less, and not actually selling any water. It sounds like a sinister enough plan to meet sextastic ladies that I should have thought of it first. Oh, yeah, Bill’s Nekkid Water, come on, ladies, get into your Nekkid costumes and let’s promote the shizz out of the bottles I fill in my sink. It just might work, though my evil schemes do tend to fail at a rather astonishing rate.

The opposite of fail is the delicioous Kat Torres preening in her little black lace lingerie for the cameras. Water, vitamins, rabid pit bulls, I’d buy anything Kat Torres in silk and lace was selling. I have a hard time saying no to fully dressed women. This, well, just tell me what my order is and I’ll hand over my Discover card for a swiping. We are but lambs before the hottie slaughter. Enjoy.

Kylie Minogue Veteran Hotness Pimping the Lingerie

Kylie Minogue has been providing visual treats for the male of the species for so long now it’s almost hard to put into numbers. Sure, she’s also made some music and done some shows and movies and theatrical stuff as well, but it’s her hot blonde teasy goodness through the years that has made this sextastic Aussie a standout in the tingly feelings delivered all-time category.

In her latest incarnation, Kylie is hot body pimping Sloggi lingerie, which seems like lingerie for grown up women, sextastic grown up women, who want to feel and look alluring to their mates or just the passing gentleman ogler such as myself. It works. Will you see some of these young V.S. models still pulling off lingerie photoshoots with such passion inducing aplomb in twenty-five more years? I do not know. I do know at 46 I’d still love to whisk Kylie away to a log cabin in the woods filled only with lingerie and perhaps some chamomile tea. We won’t be needing the tea. Enjoy.

Check Out the Behind the Scenes Video »

Lucy Ford In See-Through Lingerie And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Lucy Ford in transparent underwear and covered topless? Yes, please! (Drunken Stepfather)

Kim Kardashian steals Kylie’s bikini and looks equally as hot. (TMZ)

Former Playmate Tiffany Fallon can barely cover her funbags. (Hollywood Tuna)

When did Shailene Woodley turn into this leggy bombshell in GQ? (Popoholic)

Major Lady Gaga sideboob alert! (The Superficial)

Barbara Palvin is nekkid in Marie Claire Italy. (COED)

Do you want to see 23 year old Carrie Fisher‘s sideboob in that metal bikini? Of course you do! (Moviepilot)

Michea Crawford Smoking Hot in Bestform Lingerie

You may recall Michea Crawford from that epic squash court short form video. Or now you can recall her as the super hottie in the lingerie pimping all kinds of lace and silk and sextastic. There’s just something about this Michea lovely lady that exudes all kinds of alluring midichlorians or pheromones or something that makes me feel like I’m super hungry but I don’t want food. That’s the mark of an Egotastic! winner.

In a more enlightened society all women would wear lingerie about and we would name the most passion inducing our queen and leader. You might not agree with her policies, but you’d always approve of her positions. I don’t want to shake up society that much, but this little change will improve lives. Enjoy.