I’m quite sure I’m in lust with Swedish beauty Elsa Hosk. I am getting those butterflies in my tummy, or what I’ll describe as such while knowing it’s tingles in my genetic bank, that a man gets for a woman when he just knows he’d like to build her a log cabin deep in the woods and spend a year there with her living off nothing but jerky and tender making of the sexy on the front stoop. That’s the primal emotion emotion I feel when peeking at Elsa in her latest Victoria’s Secret spread.
Elsa was the angel who accidentally winged Ariana Grande during the fashion show performance cat walk. I’m sure she didn’t mean it, though I would have paid several quid to see the girls fight just a bit, maybe rip each other’s clothes off, then makeup by making out. It could have happened. I bought tickets just in case. Elsa, do you see how discombobulating you are to the male and Sapphic leaning lady brain? It’s not you, it’s us. Well, it is partially you. Just so damn hot. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
Oh, Sweet Mellisa, how I’ve missed you so. A day, a week, could it be even a month without goth brunette hottie Mellisa Clarke is like an eternity absent and devoid of her simply spectacular sextastic simple charms. Au natural and very little in the way of production is how Mellisa rolls. Myself as well, though nobody’s going to hit the brakes hard to check out my topless lingerie spreads, I mean, not until I have my summer body ready.
On Tuesdays we celebrate the ta-ta’s that make life worth living and eyeballs worth having and the happy tingles Mother Nature ensured when she connected our retinal cones almost directly to our family jewels. Well, played Ms. Nature. And well done once more, Mellisa Clarke. Your body inspires me to be a better man, or, in the least, a man who has given up the hobby of lawn darts in order to spend more time drooling over your photos. It really is far safer and more satisfactory a sport. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Mellisa Clarke
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How do I love my readers, let me count the ways. Well about twenty of the outlandishly topless goddess Hayley-Marie Coppin stripping out of pink lingerie kind of ways. You may think a sweet keepsake from a relative this Christmas is true affection, I think when you weight it against these visual treats of Hayley’s perfect teats, you’ll see that I might just care for you a little bit more.
This is perhaps my very favorite newest pictorial for Hayley-Marie. The absolutely divine lingerie wearing striptease artist extraordinaire. She looks so at home in the boudoir, as if it’s her lair and I am her prey. I’d ask for her to eat me, but I’ll just quietly whimper and let nature take its course. Oh, my, oh, my, how does this woman keep getting more spectacularly alluring to me. There’s got to be pure magic in those funbags. Enjoy.
(Check out more, much more, of Hayley-Marie Coppin on her official website, Hayley’s Secrets.)
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Nina Agdal sure looks good in lingerie. That’s why she gets the big bucks. (COED)
Rihanna says the twerk ain’t dead. (TMZ)
Blake Lively looks chesty and preggo fabulous on the red carpet. (Huffington Post)
Anna Faris in a bikini makes me hate Chris Pratt. (Drunken Stepfather)
Anna Herrin in lingerie will make your day. (Hollywood Tuna)
Olga Kurylenko shows off her sideboob to make Russell Crowe jealous. (Popoholic)
Norwegian beauty Ida Buer makes my fjord go yawp! (Celebslam)
Who better to model the shizz out of Gisele Intimates than Gisele Bundchen herself? That’s kind of a rhetorical question as who better to model any lingerie line than Gisele? Naturally, she’s kind of a pricy when it comes to photo shoots and product pimping, so most people simply can’t afford her in their skivvies. But when you own a nice piece of the merch yourself, naturally you’re going to strip down bare and slip into your own bras and panties and slips and look absolutely smoking hot and alluring so every woman (and man like me with a shame closet) will be buying your boudoir wear this Christmas.
Gisele in Gisele Intimates. It seems so simple, but it’s the key to so many complex anatomical feelings. Many of which require the laying down of plastic sheets so as not to ruin the original wood flooring. Always use protection. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: GSI
And, then it happened. After all the hype and promos and media moments, it was time to unleash the super world class lingerie hotties down the catwalk at the U.K. Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I can’t show how it compares or not to the U.S. edition, I can only say more more more can never quite be enough when you’re talking about the likes of Candice Swanepoel and the vastly underrated Doutzen Kroes strutting the runway in bras and panties. Granted, the wings and feathers and dramatic flairs are a bit over the top and unnecessarily stagy, but that couldn’t possibly take away from the sheer epic power of a dozen of the world’s most sextastic women in their intimates flashing their absolutely perfect bodies to the world. It’d be like complaining about the color of the craft that landed on the moon. This is the accomplishment.
Next year I do hope Victoria’s Secret takes my suggestion and adds a third major fashion show venue within my very home. I have the runway already nearly assembled and an applause machine to make up for the fact that myself and my elderly neighbor Anton who helped pay for the runway linoleum will be in attendance. C’mon, V.S., this just makes sense. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Getty Images / INFphoto.com / Splash News / GSI
Miranda Kerr‘s boobs and thumper make life worth living. (The Superficial)
These outtakes of Jessica Alba as a Sin City 2 stripper are amazing. (COED)
Herminone…err…Emma Watson wears a deep cleav jumpsuit. (Huffington Post)
Taylor Swift surprises Victoria’s Secret fans with her underpants. (TMZ)
Natalie Gall rolls around nekkid on a bed. That is all. (Hollywood Tuna)
Alexandra Daddario in GQ makes me feel funny in my swimsuit area. (Popoholic)
Heidi Klum‘s butt still has it, y’all. (Drunken Stepfather)