Ultimate Woman of the Year Awards? Yes, that’s precisely where I’d expect to find Kelly Brook and her dramatically impacting derriere of so many late night and very early morning dreams. Have thumper will travel for Kelly who is a must invite to any hottie girl with curves event. I’m not exactly sure who Cosmo magazine picked as their winners, but I’m pretty sure I could do a good job myself with my eyes closed. Just hands. Ultimate woman right here I’d announce with a grin on my face beneath my blindfold.
Kelly Brook is the answer to the prayer, Dear Sir, please give me a bodaciously curvaceous woman with a thumper I could explore for years and never twice land on the same spot. I should know, it’s one of my daily requests right after peace on earth, though not necessarily in that order. Kelly Brook, you are woman and I can hear you roar. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News / Getty Images / GSI
My ultimate nap would be to lay down in the bosomy embrace of Kelly Brook and sleep for days. Well, perhaps five minutes of exploring each other’s intimate limits until my heart rate goes past the red line limit indicated on the stationary bike at the gym. Then, to sleep for days in her warm welcoming boobtastic. Captured behind the scenes of her 2015 wall calendar shoot, Kelly Brook shows you why in black and white or color or just the heavenly scratch and sniff option, she really is one of the most heavenly bodies currently residing on the earth’s surface.
Kelly Brook in see-through little bits of clothing, bending, posing, preening for the camera. It’s almost impossible to wait for 2015. I’ll set my nap time in betwixt her engorged funbags to 1/1/15 so I can wake up atop her chest to the site of her on my wall. I’m doubling down on this fantasy. There’s no stopping me during the holiday season. Enjoy.
Being a sprinkler is probably a mostly boring life. Turn on a few minutes a day, turn off most of the rest. Repeat daily. Not a lot to look forward to. At least until Kelly Brook comes by in her stretch pants post workout with her big derriere flouncing about and your program suddenly hits the ON phase. Oh, lucky day for you sprinkler head, splashing your glorious H20 elixir across the hind-side of a curvaceous British model transplanted to L.A.
I’d like to think I’m above jealous of inanimate objects, but I’m not. They sure do seem to get closer to the sextastic celebrities than I often do. Nice cover story to be a sprinkler shooting onto Kelly Brook’s backside. You try that as a person and you just might find yourself arrested. Se la vie. Enjoy.
Kelly Brook‘s Calendar is 365 days of fap. (Celebslam)
Jennifer Lawrence looks leggy in a short black dress. (TMZ)
Lindsay Lohan is looking kinda hot in this covered topless Instagram pic. (Drunken Stepfather)
Katie Price is boobtacular at her new book launch. (Hollywood Tuna)
Stella Maxwell in a bikini is the reason to go on living. (Popoholic)
Kim Kardashian wears a see-through dress because that’s what she does. (The Superficial)
Ireland Baldwin is 19 and here are some hot shots of her being hot. (COED)
It’s hot sexy calendar time. Yes, that’s all year round, but naturally it peaks during purchase period time from October through December when every man makes the most important decision of his life — whose blessed ta-ta’s shall I look at every morning in the coming year. Thankfully, we have big walls and big hearts here at Egotastic, so we don’t have to choose from just one among so many wonderful options. However, if we had to choose, you can bet Kelly Brook would make the finalists cut.
Kelly Brook has been bringing tingles to annual calendars for about a decade now. She’s an institution in hottie wall visions of glorious chests. While she doesn’t go nekkid in her shoots, the advantage is you don’t need to remove content from your wall when Aunt Myrtle steps in to see why you never call. Of course, you can’t stand Aunt Myrtle, which is why you never call, but I’d recommend going with the more vague ‘I’m just so crazy busy’ followed by some inaudible mumbles. Then gently guide her to the door so you can once more be alone with your Kelly Brook calendar.
I think in my recent edition of Stalker Weekly, I mentioned to you my excitement knowing Kelly Brook was moving herself into my general vicinity. That’s a real estate term, sadly, not a sexual innuendo. Now Kelly and her round mounts of rebound fun are jiggling up and down the local streets making coffee runs, shopping, and whatever else it is curvaceous full-bodied female models do in between stripping down for the cameras.
Kelly Brook is the answer to those of you who displeased with the trends of skinny chicks in Hollywood. Kelly has got more than a little something something tucked up under her wardrobe. She’s a woman with no straight lines anywhere, save for the line of men moving into place to hit on her now that she’s single again. Not that that stopped them before. Kelly, come by any time and borrow some sugar from me. You know know when I might need a return favor on those sweets. Enjoy.
Oh, to be mostly alive and living in Los Angeles. It was kind of sucky yesterday with all the smog and traffic and hot wings being raised ten cents to cover the cost of animal cruelty provisions. But then I found out Kelly Brook and her curves of wonderment are moving here. Oh, happy days to be the peeping and mildly stalking my curvaceous neighbor hottie with both my monocle, binoculars, and tri-focal lens I invented specifically for the purpose of Mr. Happy having something to see as well.
Kelly was putting around town over the weekend in her booty and sweet crotch parts hugging blessed stretch pants looking for a new house to call her home. Well, our home I like to think since she broke up from that muscle bound goon she was dating while secretly wishing she could be with the slightly less bench pressy me. Kelly, I have so many housewarming gifts for you. Almost entirely unwrapped, as they shall stay until you move in and I popover with my presents and some brownies. Welcome to the neighborhood, Kelly. If you see creepy things in the trees, I’m sure you’re just imagining them. Enjoy.