There are precisely two things we like about Jersey Shore, and both reside within inches of the heart of Jennifer ‘JWoww’ Farley, and, no, that doesn’t include her stupid boyfriend who we had to cut out of these otherwise might fine JWoww bikini pictures, thank you very little, douche.
Oh, did we mentioned JWoww in a bikini. It’s always a something for us when she bring those precious puppies out to play in the sun. We have no use for pretty much every other aspect of the craptastic MTV trumped up reality program, but, oh, how we’d love to spend a few hours down by the shore with JWoww’s curves. Enjoy.
As you know, finding something redeemable in the craptastic MTV reality show Jersey Shore is like romping through the sewage treatment plant in hopes of finding your girlfriend’s earring you accidentally flushed down the toilet three weeks earlier when you were kind of lit up and thought it was a spider (okay, that might just be a personal story). In fact, it’s just like that. So outside of a few J-Woww busty babe views, the odds of finding anything sextastic at the Jersey Shore house, well, let’s just say I think I know why all the guys on the show have drinking problems.
Nevertheless, there are those of you out there who still weep at the sound of Springsteeen as it reminds you of summer nights getting to what you thought was third base somewhere in the flabby folds of your Jersey Girls undies, and, for you, we present the bikini butt crack of Deena Cortese, freshly popped out of the pokie just in time for a week’s worth of cheesesteak scarfing before bikini season on the Atlantic coast. That was a mouthful. And you’ll eye-spy a mouthful or five of Deena whose body can’t seem to be contained by mere human fabrics. Ahoy, manatee maties, and thunder-thigh plunderers everywhere. Deena is most definitely your gal. Enjoy.
I’ve got to admit something to you. I really do not watch Jersey Shore, never been interested outside of J-Woww’s chestal talents. It’s just another clump of MTV craptastic reality programming that is floating around the toilet bowl of lowest common denominator television waitin for a merciful flush.
So I’m zero expert in identifying the star-crossed kuckleheaded starlets of the phony show, including the most famous, Snooki, and former cast-member Angelina Pivarnick, who one Egotastic! reader (Anon) insists is the subject of these raunchy cell phone pictures, from who knows where exactly. We do know there were were bunch of fakes of Snooki released in the not so distant past, and we do know these photos are censored with annoying black bars, which means somebody touched them, but beyond that, well, you be my eyes and ears on this.
Is this Snooki and Angelina Pivarnick? Should we be looking for the photos without the black bars? Or has my 47 hours of straight awake time caused me to wet myself and completely overlook the obvious something or other? Investigate, and enjoy.
Through all the Jersey Shore mania, and the subsequent spin-off craptastic reality shows, we here at Egotastic! have maintained one consistent position — we love J-Woww for her tatas. Yep, controversial, but, for real, those two flesh puppies are the sole, only, and singular reason to have any interest in anything related to the ginormous #2 MTV dropped on the world with J.S., not to mention every other bit of reality stank they’ve invented since they decided to stop being music television.
J-Woww was with that other dumpy pregnant short one in Cancun filming no doubt for her latest reality venture and doing so in a sink-the-pink colored bikini that showed off her for shizzle and her fur shizzle all in one fell swoop. Did we mention her posterior? This girl has got a body on her and it was pretty much entirely on display by the pool in the Mexican resort town.
Now, mind you, we are sticking to our promise to never watch any of these imposter Italian-Americans doing anything on television unless somebody’s getting punched in the face, but, J-Woww, we simply can’t resist the power of the knockers. Enjoy.
While I’m still trying to grasp the craptastic reality concept of sending a bunch of now well-off and famous fake Italian-Americans to live once again in a beach apartment and work their odds jobs along the boardwalk, I must admit, J-Woww remains the one and only (well, two and only) reason to keep up with Jersey Shore. She’s neither short or fat or in the resemblance of a frightening lawn gnome, which makes her a Shore hottie, a true oddity.
J-Woww and her boobtastic worthiness will be featured in the upcoming edition of Maxim, a spread that is sure to delight the millions of men who but a couple years ago knew nothing about this New York brunette, and, now, they still know nothing about her, except that she’s faptastic. Turns out, fame is exactly all it’s cracked up to be. Enjoy.
According to the masters of all things craptastic over at MTV, this is the final season filming of Jersey Shore, but I’ll believe that when I don’t see it. Admittedly, it’s probably hard to keep bringing a bunch of now-rich, not quite Italian-American, celebrities down to a little beach house by the shore and pretend they’re still dealing with the mundane issue of their jobs in the t-shirt store, trying to make rent, and wondering where their latest cold sores came from.
Still, I must admit, I shall miss J-Woww. She has grown on me over these past couple of years, in similar fashion to how she’s grown herself, with ever bigger boobtastic, ever smaller waist, and increasingly the only reason to pay attention to these twisted midget knuckleheads by the beach. J-Woww flashed her fine sports-bra clad puppies in a return to the Shore house this week, with the television cameras once again rolling, and me, once again ogling. Enjoy.
If I had to compare the Spanish holiday fiesta of the cast of The Only Way is Essex versus, say, the Italian trip of Jersey Shore, I’d guess I’d say the first thing that sticks out to me is that not all members of the TOWIE cast are under 5’5″ tall and pumped full of steroids. And I’m referring to the ladies. Also, less visible cold sores (though I wouldn’t dive too deep into either camp without military-grade prophylactic). I could be totally misjudging here, but, from afar, I’m choosing the likes of bodacious glamour girl Maria Fowler and ginger boobtastic Amy Childs over the butter-everythings from the shore (occasional J-Woww body shots excluded). I think I’d like to vacation with women like this someday, just as soon as I get enough points on my Motel-6 VIP card. Enjoy.