Jalouse magazine

Amber Heard Betrays Her Lesbionic Greatness (But She’s Still Super Hot)

I don’t normally who marries who kind of nonsense, I just want everybody to be happy. But when I heard that Amber Heard was getting married to Johnny Depp and forgoing her wonderfully Sapphic scissor kissing past, well, that was heartbreaking to say the least.

I’m sure Johnny is a wonderful guy and he’s super talented and all that nonsense, but shall we never see Amber Heard making out with her girlfriend again in the streets, let alone imagining what happens when they get back to her pad? Are we to be denied this sensual girl-girl wonderland of daydreams to call upon simply because she wants to marry a movie star? I can’t help but think we should’ve at least been consulted before such a drastic decision was reached. This isn’t like adding replay to baseball. This is like deciding there will be no more home runs.

Here’s Amber in her latest sextastic pictorial for Jalouse magazine. Just so you can imagine her never munching sweet serious lady nest again. Such torture. Enjoy.

Miranda Kerr Covered Topless for Uncovering Some Deep Feelings About Miranda

So close, and, yet, so far. Still, we can never turn a blind-eye, or even a not-wide-open eye toward anything Miranda Kerr, most especially her covered topless pose in the February edition of Jalouse magazine.

Now, the French have a way of turning something sexy, into something meta-silly, but they can’t crush the underlying uber-hotness of Miranda Kerr, most especially when taking pictures of her with her top off.

So, try to avoid the spectacle of fashion and nonsense surrounding these photos, and just hone in on the covered topless goodness of one of the world’s most lust-inducing women, and I promise you will be experiencing some levels of bliss not felt since you were an infant and cried out to the world in need and somebody ran to you and plunked a swollen teat in your mouth.

It all goes back to the source. Enjoy.

Kate Moss Still Pretty Effin’ Hot in Jalouse Magazine

Oh, sure, we’ve had our fun making fun of the celebrity wildcat habits of Kate Moss over the years, the drugs, the boozing, the drugs with boozing mixed together, and the like, but at the end of the day, they don’t just hand out the supermodel title without some accomplishment, and even now at 38 and a few years of the party life under her belt, not to mention a kid, Kate Moss is still pretty effin’ hot.

In her new pictorial in this month’s Jalouse magazine, Kate provides a simple, sane, but direct reminder that the girl dolls up quite nicely, and I’d still trade my left nut, err, your left nut, for the chance to use the right somewhere in Kate’s general vicinity. I know, this is a heartfelt admission. Enjoy.