Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth And I Can Finally Stop Hiding Our Love

As you know, I have a thing for super high maintenance women who love to talk nonstop and confidently assert their opinions on everything under the sun. Dream date. So you might see a man like me falling hard for a woman like Gwyneth Paltrow. And in the reverse, you might find Gwyneth trying to get back at an uncaring rock star husband who lives life on the road by doing all sorts of dangerous and perverse acts with a man like me who revels in debauchery and has pre-plastic lined furnishings in his home.

Does that mean that Gwyneth and I were tangled in a coital knot of sweat and self-righteousness even before today’s announcement that she was leaving Chris Martin? I have no comment. Send all inquiries to the amazing castle with splendid pool and spa Gwyneth and I shall be hiding in for the next seven days in Morocco. Also, if somebody could look out for Apple and that other one, that’d be great. Thanks.

You can read more about the Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin pending divorce on WWTDD.

Gwyneth Paltrow Looked Good Winning an Award for Something German

I’m not sure exactly what the award season occasion was, but it was in Germany and everybody was dressed up and I have to admit Gwyneth Paltrow looked like a million bucks taking home a statue for something. Whatever it is she’s doing as part of her youthful regimen, I’d suggest a lot more people start following it as the 41-year old just keeps on keeping on winning red carpets and dressy up occasions.

I suppose it’s something in the bottled water she drinks. Nevertheless, I’m sticking with beer. I don’t need to look that fine in a tight gown. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Braless for Hugo Boss Pimping

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly getting paid millions for her new Hugo Boss promotional campaign, so why not take off your bra for the shoot, even if you tend to be on the demure side. I guess that was a rhetorical question as you can see herein Gwyneth did just that, removing her undergarments for a more sextastic 40-something pimping of a perfume or a jacket or something I’m certain they don’t sell at the Target store where I do 99% of all my shopping.

I know they don’t see Paltrow boobs there, though I suppose if Gwyneth could make a few bucks selling candles in the shape of her smaller funbags, she’d probably sign on. The woman does like to earn. No shame in that. Or being braless. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Booty Cheeks A Sign of a Good Week to Come

Okay, so maybe despite all the new age dieting and yoga-sizing and general social benevolence, the Gwyneth Paltrow body is not what it used to be in the days the actress had no problems taking it all off for the cameras. But… it’s still all there, as can be seen in these caps from the film Thanks for Sharing, which I think was made a good long time ago. But is finally getting released in the U.S. this fall, meaning, they’re promoting this scene with Gwyneth in black lingerie to get you excited to see the film.

The movie itself is a chronicle of three different sex addicts, though I’m pretty sure Gwyneth is not one of them. I’m talking about in the movie. And I suppose real life, but she does have an empire to run. Still, I’m considering the appearance of Gwyneth in lingerie, blemishes and all, to be the harbinger of a very solid week to come. This week’s glass is most definitely half full. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Commando Dress for Iron Man 3 Premiere

I’ll say this, while we don’t have a general personality fondness for Gwyneth Paltrow, and, that whole World’s Most Beautiful Woman nonsense from People magazine was annoying, if you’re going to respond in a way we respect here, go commando to your big movie premiere the very same night. And Gwyneth Paltrow did at the Iron Man 3 premiere last night in Hollywood.

It was a big to do. Every single person with a camera in the city of Los Angeles was there last night. And Gwyneth flashed them a serious amount of skin beneath her sheer dress bottom. Now, most of the truly fun bits were obscured, but it was daring enough that we must give it a thumbs up (yes, that is our thumb) in terms of making a statement. That it did. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Named World’s Most Beautiful Woman

Well, I could go on and on about the decision by People magazine today to name Gwyneth Paltrow the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, but, our friends over at What Would Tyler Durden Do? already kind of nailed my thoughts on the matter.

In short, it ain’t right.

Gwyneth Paltrow Airbrushed Pale Hotness for Harper’s

Yes, Gwyneth Paltrow’s main occupation these days is giving unsolicited advice on major media matters. And, yes, Harper’s Bazaar did airbrush the shizz out of her for their big May 2013 photospread, but ever since seeing Gwyneth Paltrow nekkid, I’ve always had a crush on the kind of annoying pale blonde actress and model.

What can you do? Lust just finds you where it finds you. Enjoy.