Grand Theft Auto V

Have Yourself A(nother) Merry Little ‘GTA V’ Christmas

Grand Theft Auto Holiday

Our ol’ buddies at Rockstar have always known how to do the holidays right.

Last year, the whole of Los Santos was enveloped by snow for a few days. Driving conditions ‘round Grand Theft Auto way were already treacherous enough, what with constant drive-bys and dickish players running down newbies in their tanks, but why not? It looked pretty damn cool.

If you’re going to spend the holdays anywhere, why not right here? Nothing says festive funtimes like crushing someone into highway-jerky with their own car and careening into the sunset with no effs given. So, Grand Theft Auto V, what do you have for us this Christmas?

Another seasonal selection of downloadable extras, naturally. It’s a similar deal to that Independence Day event they had, which offered cut-price explosives and other tools of destruction to all (just like our forefathers wanted). First up is two new weapons, courtesy of Ammunation: the homing launcher and the proximity mine.

If you’re in the market for something a little less deathtacular, why not an extra property? You can now own up to three, and they’ve thrown in a Christmas tree to decorate them with. There are also two big ol’ mothereffin’ beefy man-trucks to add to the vehicle roster, in the shape of the Vapid SlamVan and the Bravado Rat-Truck.

Then there’s the usual crop of clothing and accessory items. You know where they’re going with that. Hit Kotaku for footage of the new content in action.

A ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Release Trailer for Your Eyeballs, Just Like Old Times (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V PS4 Release Trailer
Guess who's back. Back again. (It's these three guys.)

Remember this time last year? Mexican drug dudes were being arrested, Microsoft were suing everyone’s asses in the ‘Smartphone wars,’ and Miley Cyrus was whipping off her undercrackers to warble her nekkid poptastic craptastic on a wrecking ball. Good times. But even good-erer, Grand Theft Auto V had just hit consoles.

It did so after months of spewing hype from every damn orifice. You couldn’t scratch your ass without a new batch of screens or news titbit getting all up in your business. Trailers, too. Many, many freaking trailers.

As we know, it all paid off, and the game was the kind of sales shitstorm unseen this side of Black Friday. And with the next-gen release approaching (next Tuesday, folks!), the cycle has been repeating. Buckle up, it’s launch trailer o’clock again.

Sure, most of us have cruised around the highways and strip clubs of Los Santos already. But not with this many, y’know, polygons and gigaflops and all those other next-gen technical doohickeys.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ REALLY Wants us to Buy the Next-Gen Version Too

That’s next-gen in the ‘current-gen’ sense, naturally. Because current-gen (that being the Xbox 360 and PS3) is now last-gen, making next-gen (PS4 and Xbox One) now merely current-gen. The gaming world speeds onwards, unrelenting; a badass renegade heading straight into the mouth of hell on grandma’s mobility scooter. If you can’t keep up, you’ll be left behind.

Anywho, as you’ve probably noticed, Grand Theft Auto V is on its way to current/next gen consoles. It’s a little late to the party, as the game’s already been out in the wild for over a year at this point. Which leaves Rockstar the usual dilemma: every bastard who cares has bought it already. Did you see how it sold? That was madness, right there.

Well, no. That’s BS. Certain canny players did wait for the inevitable upgraded edition, and here it is coming at their faces. But so many of us have already finished Michael, Franklin and Trevor’s stories, and we’ll need a little pursuading to drop our cashtacular a second time.

Well, consider our asses persuaded. Earlier this week, Destructoid brought us a report on the new content coming to the game, exclusively for returning players. It sounds pretty damn extensive:
‘The scope of the exclusive content spans almost all facets of GTA V — from vehicles to weapons to missions. Some of the highlights are the Dodo seaplane, the Rail Gun, and murder mysteries to solve as Michael. As if that weren’t enough, completing objectives unlocks even more special content.’

It all sounds quite promising. Hit the link for more.

‘GTA Online’ Hosts its San Andreas Anniversary Weekend

Has it really been ten years? Ten years since CJ, mothereffin’ combine harvesters and the piss-poor simu-sex of the Hot Coffee mod? Well, of course it has. That’s what I’m telling you. Pay attention, damn it.

Yes indeed, October 26 marks the tenth anniversary of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This was the game that wanged the seminal series into the third dimension (sure, GTA 3 had already done so, but this one did it with much more panache and/or badassery). It’s still regarded by many as the PS2‘s best, and right up there with the greatest ever made.

So let’s celebrate its decade-iversary in style. Or, we could follow GTA Online’s lead, and have a half-assed and slightly wank little party in its honor.

If you’re well-versed in the ways of Online, you’ll know the deal. DLC packages are a small crop of new vehicles/weapons/missions, and special occasions? They get the ol’ double XP treatment. Hold on to your scrotes for the wildest, drunkiest, vehicle-suspension-upgrades-now-25%-off-iest partay you ever went to.

Yep, San Andreas-themed tees and double GTA$/RP can all be yours for one weekend only. What a time to be alive.

Via IGN.

‘GTA V’ on PS4: Now With Extra Creepy Mimes and Crap on the Radio (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V PS4
Ooh, fancy.

For many of us, the PC edition of Grand Theft Auto V has been the big effing deal of late. Well, screw many of us, because that particular release has been bumped back to 2015. January 27, if you want to get all technical and precise date-y.

In the interim, the spangly new next-gen edition is hitting PS4 and Xbox One this November. At which point, the game will have been doing the rounds for over a year already. So what we want to know –what we clench our meaty fists, pound them on our desks and freakin’ demand to know, because it’s Monday and Mondays are wank– is, has it been worth the wait?

There’s been a fair amount of work put in, at any rate. Kotaku reports that Rockstar promise, ‘…a number of new features over and above the visual upgrade: new activities, new weapons, new vehicles, additional wildlife, denser traffic, new foliage system and enhanced damage and weather effects. There are also over 100 new songs and mixes across the game’s radio stations.’

Yep, you read that right. New foliage. If you’ve ever cruised through Los Santos and thought, y’know what this game needs? More mothereffin’ foliage. Foliage me right up, Rockstar dudes, you’re in luck. We didn’t even know a ‘foliage system’ was a thing. What a time to be alive.

In summation, it looks like the same deal as usual: certainly a definitive edition for new owners, but nothing that makes a second buy ball-bustingly essential. Still, if your interest is piqued, feast your eyes on this latest PS4-powered trailer. It has mimes in.

Here’s ‘Grand Theft Auto Online’ with Another Slice of DLC (VIDEO)

GTA Online- San Andreas Flight School Update
At last, the hei... oh, wait.

Grand Theft Auto V is approaching its first birthday now, but Rockstar are still pumping out the DLC updates. They’ve got an impending next-gen release of the game to pimp out, after all.

As is customary with these bonus content packs, we need to take a moment to bitch that heists are still nowhere in sight. And the moment’s over, so now let’s have an ogle at what is on offer.

Feast your eyes, ears and gonads on The San Andreas Flight School update. It’s all far too manly and Top Gun mocktastic, as we learn to fly some rather badass jets and showcase our patriotic (your country here) flag-based parachute bags.

That aside, there are all the usual fancy-ass thingmabobs and doohickeys you expect from GTA Online DLC. New vehicles (of the land and air varieties), tweaks to the payouts of certain missions, all kinds of smaller additions. Check out the piss-takey trailer above for more details.

Via Destructoid.

‘GTA V’ Teaser Recreated in Live Action, Looks Oddly Spanish (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto Madrid
That's the sound of something hitting the fan. In real life

As we all know damn well, sometimes the Internet does things. Odd things, brilliant things and utterly crazy-ass things. We don’t question them. We don’t think why the balls this or completely shit-tastic waste of time that. They’re just part of life with the world wide webtastic.

After all, there’s a Tumblr dedicated to women taking dumps and/or the dumps they’ve taken. No, you’re not getting a link to that, but we believe our point has been made.

Anywho, in the really-rather-awesome-but-pretty-useless category, we have this: Grand Theft Auto Madrid. It’s a live action remake of the original GTA V teaser, from Zapruder Films. First off, excuse us for blowing your freaking minds, but Los Angeles isn’t in Spain. Not even a little bit. But how many effs do these guys give about that?

Zero effs, that’s how many. They’re in the negative effs, right here. As you’ll see with this fancy picture-in-picture business, Madrid makes for a great substitute for the LA-based Los Santos. It all matches up nigh-perfectly.

Via Rockstar.