Grand Theft Auto V Posts:

Here’s ‘Grand Theft Auto Online’ with Another Slice of DLC (VIDEO)

GTA Online- San Andreas Flight School Update
At last, the hei... oh, wait.

Grand Theft Auto V is approaching its first birthday now, but Rockstar are still pumping out the DLC updates. They’ve got an impending next-gen release of the game to pimp out, after all.

As is customary with these bonus content packs, we need to take a moment to bitch that heists are still nowhere in sight. And the moment’s over, so now let’s have an ogle at what is on offer.

Feast your eyes, ears and gonads on The San Andreas Flight School update. It’s all far too manly and Top Gun mocktastic, as we learn to fly some rather badass jets and showcase our patriotic (your country here) flag-based parachute bags.

That aside, there are all the usual fancy-ass thingmabobs and doohickeys you expect from GTA Online DLC. New vehicles (of the land and air varieties), tweaks to the payouts of certain missions, all kinds of smaller additions. Check out the piss-takey trailer above for more details.

Via Destructoid.

‘GTA V’ Teaser Recreated in Live Action, Looks Oddly Spanish (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto Madrid
That's the sound of something hitting the fan. In real life

As we all know damn well, sometimes the Internet does things. Odd things, brilliant things and utterly crazy-ass things. We don’t question them. We don’t think why the balls this or completely shit-tastic waste of time that. They’re just part of life with the world wide webtastic.

After all, there’s a Tumblr dedicated to women taking dumps and/or the dumps they’ve taken. No, you’re not getting a link to that, but we believe our point has been made.

Anywho, in the really-rather-awesome-but-pretty-useless category, we have this: Grand Theft Auto Madrid. It’s a live action remake of the original GTA V teaser, from Zapruder Films. First off, excuse us for blowing your freaking minds, but Los Angeles isn’t in Spain. Not even a little bit. But how many effs do these guys give about that?

Zero effs, that’s how many. They’re in the negative effs, right here. As you’ll see with this fancy picture-in-picture business, Madrid makes for a great substitute for the LA-based Los Santos. It all matches up nigh-perfectly.

Via Rockstar.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Brings the Next-Gen Sextastic to PS4 (VIDEO)

GTA V Nekkid Easter Egg
Just like this, but with better looking stripper-ass.

Since the release of GTA V, PC players have been crying sad, sad tears of sadness and fury onto their keyboards. Where’s our effing PC edition, you buggers? That was the rallying cry. But no more.

Last week’s E3 extravaganza brought a double-whammy of news from Sony’s press conference. The game is coming to PS4, all remastered and shiny-new and such, and to PC and Xbox One a little later.

Naturally, it’ll all be buffed to a next-gen sheen, making for a definitive version (PR speak for buy-this-mofo-a-second-time-damn-you) of one of last year’s biggest console releases. But what kind of a overhaul can we expect? Will it be like having a sweet, sweet eyeball massage from a tiny fairy with magical healing fingers? You bet your balls it will.

Behold this trailer for the PS4 port. It shows the new and the old side by side, and there can only be one winner. We can safely say that Michael’s crotch-thrusting yoga poses have never looked more... crotch-thrusty and yoga-ish. Just what else will be ‘enhanced’ about the game remains to be seen, but we’ll be keeping a close watch.

Via Kotaku.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Crazy-Ass Animal Mod: Who Said Wolves Can’t Drive? (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V Release Header
It's kind of like this, but with more carjacking monkeys.

The mind of a modder is a befuddling place. You have to be a special kind of crazy-ass to be cruising along the highway in GTA V and think, hold the eff up. Wouldn’t this be so much better is Franklin was replaced with a pig, or Trevor with a chimpanzee? But be that as it may, the answer is: you bet your balls it would.

This clip is an installment of the Mod Spotlight series from GTA5Videos. This time, your character model is changed to... one of an assortment of animals. Camera angles, sound effects and animations are all altered appropriately, which makes this weirdness seem to ‘fit’ rather well.

Have you ever wanted to experience the thrill of hassling the Los Santos citizenry as a pig? Or the wonderment of a fatass warthog taking a selfie? Damn right you have. Throw in a little slice of chimp parkour, and you’ve made our whole week right there.

So, knock yourselves out, because you can see all of that right here. Via Kotaku.

‘GTA V’ Brings the Nekkidness With a Supposedly Sextastic Seasonal Easter Egg (VIDEO)

GTA V Nekkid Easter Egg
Failing this, there's always the strip club.

Even though many of us are still hungover from Christmas, another darn holiday has arrived. Let’s celebrate it the way we celebrate every holiday/birthday/Tuesday: with a little naughty ladyflesh, and a headline with a rather brilliant alliterating pun.

As we know, Grand Theft Auto V’s Los Santos is an effin’ big place. All kinds of bizarre sights and secrets lurk in its seedy alleys. The rumored UFOs and jetpack included, possibly. But feast your eyes on the above clip from itzzmagma, which explains the mystery of the nekkid woman on the hill.

If you venture out into an obscure corner of the map at a certain time, it seems, she’ll be dancing before a gleefully ogling crowd. Fans of tiny digital raunchtastic will be dismayed to hear that she’s bikini-bottomed up, but still. The sex-starved drug dealers of Los Santos have to take whatever they can get.

When there isn’t some dick blowing their asses off in a tank, that is, as this only occurs in Grand Theft Auto Online.

Is GTA V’s Franklin More Badass Than Evel Knievel? Death Defying Leap Over Exploding Busses Ahoy! (VIDEO)

Grand Theft Auto V Jump
It's a MUCH more impressive jump than this.

Now, we can’t deny that daredevil-ism is pretty badass. The whole premise of doing the stupidest, body-rupturing-est shit you imagine, and being rewarded for it with adoring groupies and mountains of cashtacular... that’s the best job in the world, right there (the doctor who allegedly had to inject a cocktail of chemicals into Cheryl Cole’s ass --to help her over the whole Ashley Cole thing-- notwithstanding).

The fact that Evel Knievel holds the world record for most broken bones in a lifetime is kind of a downer, though. But hell, screw consequences and common sense and of that BS. What we want to see right now is a dude, a car, and a jump over 28 exploding buses which are on effing fire.

Our ol’ buddy Evel, Kotaku reports, only managed half that amount (hit the link to check out his own stunt). But here comes Grand Theft Auto V’s Franklin, proving that there’s always something brilliant, impressive and ultimately useless to do in Los Santos. You’ve got to admire this intrepid soul and his well-timed pyrotechnics.

Via Kotaku.

‘Grand Theft Auto V’ PC Beta DOES NOT Exist, But Dumbass Email Scam Does

What the hell, Nigerian prince? We emailed you our bank details in good faith, and haven’t seen hide nor hair of those millions you promised to share with us! And where has all of our own damn cashtacular suddenly gone? What a regal bastard.

This kind of BS is the sole reason for the existence of spam folders/filters. They aren’t a real pharmaceutical company, and those pills won’t make your wang nine inches longer. Screw these liars and their lying lies. But hell, Internet spammers, if you must be dicks, don’t be cruel as well.

Don’t, for instance, pretend to be offering an invite to a non-existent beta for Grand Theft Auto V on PC. Non-console players have been clamoring for such a thing since the game’s release last September, and would be easy targets for a scam such as:

GTA PC Scam

"YOU INVITED BETA TESTER! Hot damn, it's our lucky day.

Well, if it wasn’t so piss-poor grammatically. And didn’t sport those scam-tastic Slovak links. They didn’t even trouble to mock up the Rockstar logo and add that to the corner. It reeks of A WINNER IS YOU!, though in this instance you is not a winner at all. You is the gullible, gullible victim of some phishing bastards.

Image: Trend Micro, via IGN.