Egotastic
As we know, Grand Theft Auto Online gave us quite a bumpy ride at launch. A ‘ride-on-a-one-legged-horse-over-a-poorly-ploughed-field’ sort of bumpy. But fear not, because Rockstar have been getting their shit together recently.
The online experience is much smoother, and connection issues aren’t kicking ass all over the place as they were. By way of apology for the earlier wonkiness, the hooker shootin’, drug dealin’ fairy bestowed a gift on us all: half a million Los Santos dollars. Now here’s another little slice of delicious nutritious free stuff: the Beach Bum dlc package.
As Typical Gamer explains above, it arrived yesterday with the latest title update, bringing all manner of beach-themed additions to the game and GTA 5 proper. These will include new missions across the disciplines (survival, races, deathmatches), some frankly shit-tastic new clothing (ballbag-bulge speedos possibly included), vehicles and a couple weapons. The broken bottle is just itching to be thrust into the delicate faces of a crew of angry drug bastards, so what are you waiting for?
Latest ‘GTA Online’ DLC Brings us Some Guntastic Valentine’s Violence
Somehow, Los Santos doesn’t strike us as a great place to spend the holidays. Angry drug dealers popping caps in asses, helicopter dogfights in the skies, assholes in tanks ‘pwning’ left and right... none of it screams wholesome family funtimes.
Rockstar have been trying, though. You may have noticed that seasonal snowfall over Christmas, which was quite a novelty in Los Santos. It’s more of a ‘surreptitiously ogling the ladyfolk in their bikinis on the beach’ sort of city, after all. But there it was. The next addition to Grand Theft Auto Online is a salute to Valentine’s Day. Al Capone style.
Whether Valentine’s is a ‘holiday’ or a shady conspiracy from money-grabbing candy manufacturers is debatable. Either way, The Valentine’s Day Massacre Special is bringing some rather spangly new content to the game.
Whether in story mode or online, you’ll have access to the new --and charmingly retro-- Gusenburg Sweeper machine gun, and a 1920's style armored limo to cruise about in. To complete the look, fancy-ass double breasted suits will also be released, and there will be a selection of new jobs across the disciplines to take part in.
Look out for this new content from Friday, and be thankful that the game’s soundtrack isn’t being changed to a creeptastic children-with-adult’s-voices medley from Bugsy Malone.
Via Destructoid.