Game Feature Posts:

Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: ‘Haunting’

If you’re unfortunate enough to be, y’know, not effing living any more, we have two things to say. Firstly, we salute your keyboard skills (typing when you’re non-corporeal has got to pose a challenge) and your great taste at cruising over to Egotastic! Second, this is not the way to haunt. Don’t try this at home, or any other poor bastard’s home. This is Being An Ass: The Game, right here.
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The Weekly WTF: Celebrities, Spankings and Prime Ministers in ‘I’m Sorry’

Y’know what Pac-Man needed? A little more S&M. A dash of Michael Jackson and Madonna being punched in the face. Most important of all, a quick dose of Kakuei Tanaka, Japanese Prime Minister in the early Seventies, being pervtastically whipped while wearing a diaper.

Well, fear not, fans of the weirdly weird-effing-weird. I’m Sorry brings us all of those things, and a few extra besides.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: F-Zero

It’s always amusing to see how the future was envisioned in the past. And by amusing, we mean effing depressing. If certain science fiction writers are to be believed, our teleports and hover boards and teleporting hover boards are way overdue.

As such, when you take a look at a video game from the Nineties bringing us racetastic set in the year 2560, you’ve got to be prepared for all kinds of crazy-ass. Step forward, F-Zero.
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The Weekly WTF: ‘Cho Aniki’ is Another Little Slice of Homo-Erotic Crazitude

Video games used to be about fun. About a harmless, entertaining distraction. How things have changed. Today, our win ratios and K/Ds and such are highly prized, almost as though prospective employers will have any shits to give about your Call of Duty sniping proficiency.

“‘A kill streak of 45 one time’, you say? This is all highly impressive. We’ve a couple more candidates to see, but rest assured, you’ll be a fine addition to the ranks here at McDonalds.”
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Metroid Prime

We’re not going to get pernickety about the early 2000s qualifying as 'retro,’ are we? It was a long-ass time ago, after all. A simpler time, before our hairlines started to recede, before our wife changed the locks and stopped returning our calls, and before Justin effin’ Bieber achieved global pre-teen domination with his poptastic shit-tastic.

No. No we aren’t. Now that’s all cleared up, let’s party like it’s 2003 and feast our eyes, ears and butts on Metroid Prime.
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The Weekly WTF: Kick Alien Ass, Have Diabetes- It’s ‘Captain Novolin’

What do you get when you combine an educational game with a sponsored game? Generally (if you’ll excuse our worldly cynicism) the phrase would be a double whammy of shit. Around here, only licensed games have a worse reputation for craptastic.

Or weirdery, in the case of Captain Novolin. Feast your eyes, ears and asses on the world’s only damn action adventure game about diabetes. Courtesy of Sculpted Software and the creators of the Novolin brand of insulin.
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Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Defender

Now we’re effing talking. Just look at this sexy slice of Eighties game-ery.

At a time when 'monochrome and piss-poor looking’ was the order of arcade gaming, Defender strode in with its big ol’ steely balls of steely steel and said screw that. This bullet-tastic adventure brought us explodey spaceships in sixteen --count 'em-- glorious colors. What a time to be alive.
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