Today is getting to know people day. After all, strangers are just friends you’ve yet to get to know, as my second grade teacher, the lovely and unusually large-handed Mrs. Oberwellermeyer-Johnson used to say. And, I bet you’d like to have Brazilian supermodel Flavia Lucini as your friend, especially after seeing her topless in this month’s edition of Elle Mexico.
I mean, sure, guy friends are great if you need somebody to split parking with you at the ballgame, and you do need a male friend to call after the local rub-and-tug $29.95 massage turns out to be a police sting (shoutout to ‘John’ on that one from last Saturday), but female friends, especially the super good looking ones that like to take their tops off, well, that is a true friend indeed.
Welcome to Egotastic!, Flavia Lucini. Enjoy.
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We stick to our unscientific naming convention of calling Eva Longoria one of the most eligible single ladies in all of Hottieville. Yeah, okay, so the 30-something Latina hottie is rumored to be she-banging with various actors and athletes and blue bloods, but that does not dissuade us in the least from making Eva Longoria our sugar mama — a hot, sweet, and cotton candy tasty sugar mama.
In the latest edition of Elle Spain, Eva Longoria shows what she can do even with her clothes on to allure members of the opposite sex (and, more financially impressive, still get herself tons o’ lady fans, go figure. Someday, we will slip a ring on Eva’s finger. Okay, so it won’t be a ring and that won’t be her finger, we still find it just as romantic, in our pursuit of this rich, sextastic, and still single lady. Enjoy.
There are few women we lust in this world more than the South African model-princess Candice Swanepoel, who in lingerie or swimsuits or fashions, or better yet, out of all of them, just continues to develop new ways to make herself hotter and hotter.
Case in point, Candice’s photoshoot for Elle Brazil, a magazine not normally known for guy friendly photos, but you get an ogle behind the scenes of the photoshoot and suddenly you have Candice looking all kinds of wicked hot and making you wish you were her lowly towel boy, responsible for dabbing any of the moist spots should they appear from her work in tropic environs. Honestly, I wouldn’t even use a towel to perform such dabbing, I’d use my… well, you can guess. And, enjoy.
Sometimes I look at Bar Refaeli and think she can’t possibly be real, then I look at Bar Refaeli almost entirely nekkid and I know she’s not real. How can so much hotness be actually contained in one human body? More like a magical nymph perhaps, only existing in the minds of hopeful oglers everywhere.
In the July edition of Elle France, Bar goes where everyman has gone before imagining her, that is, minus her clothes, sadly deftly maneuvering her paws to cover up her last remaining spots we’d really love to see, but still wicked wicked hot.
Bar is so hot, if I saw her kicking a basket full of kittens, I’d ask if I could massage her sore foot when she was done. Enjoy.
Free at last, free at last.
Katie Holmes has already been spotted around New York City the past few days in fitted jeans of all things, mom jeans back into the closet with the Eye of Xenu safely blocked for the moment by her attorneys. We may not know math or science of even our native language of English very good here (or is that very well?), but we do know sextastic celebrities and we know celebrity divorces. And we right now are predicting a Katie Holmes nekkd-in-movie scene with the next 12 months.
Bank on it. Or, you know, whatever you want to do on it. Enjoy.
Wow and double wow. The normally quite tame Elle magazine gets a monster sextastic injection courtesy of hottie diva Selena Gomez who while not super risque, puts on an unusually adult like photoshoot performance for the global fashion mag.
Nine months more until we’ll get a much better look at Selena in Spring Breakers; that time will pass much more easily with more photoshoots like this gloriously grown up number (and less photos of her with her teen lesbian boyfriend — how can such utter goodness and such utter lunacy exist in the same world?) Enjoy.
Bar Refaeli wrapped in a burqa and covered in an asbestos laden fire retardent suit all rolled up into an oversized Snuggie would still be ridiculously hot, but you start stripping away the clothes and coverings, as in this months edition of Elle Spain, you start talking about newly discovered and barely survivable levels of hotness.
The Israeli super-bodied model is featured in the Spanish magazine this upcoming month and just looks all kinds of beachy keen and super fine and barely covered in a skimpy bikini, or just her own hands, in a job I’d surely like to volunteer for. Enjoy.