Elle magazine

Edita Vilkeviciute Covered Topless Glorious Hand-Bras for Elle

I know it seems like forever that I’ve been courting Lithuanian super hottie supermodel Edita Vilkeviciute to be my betrothed, forever and forever, or until the sex stops being any good, so maybe like a year or two if we’re being honest. And it seems like I’ve made little progress in this martial regard. But while some might be deterred by the lack of response to over 882 separate letters of passion mailed to Edita in the past three years, 14 of which contained things that have grown on my body, I just see it as a super sextastic catty woman playing the long teasy game of seduction.

And seduce Edita does in her latest pictorial in Elle magazine France where the long and lean beauty gets so excited, she has to touch her own hot self, wrapping her long fingers around her funbags to keep herself looking modest, and/or just really effin’ hot. While we’d love for the kitten to lose her mittens and flash her bare loves to the world, there’s something super passion inducing about Edita and her hand-bras, the kind I hope to unhook on the evening of our wedding. Enjoy.

Sara Sampaio Is Simply Just Killing Me Now

This Portuguese hottie simply won’t quit. In her new spread in Elle Russia, the dark sultry beauty puts on even more killer poses that make me want to learn a foreign language, and, dare I say, consider a little romance in my life.

I don’t mean flowers and candy and dressing up for chit chat at a tapas bar. No, my definition of romance with a woman as smoking sextastic as Sara Sampaio is more likely to involve silken ropes, a jar of organic clover honey, and the passion of ten thousand men, packed into three minutes of ecstasy that has to include ESPN’s Top 10 Plays and full release.

I hope Sara likes it too. Honey is good for the skin. Enjoy.

Nicki Minaj Flashes Her Goods for Elle

All the girls gossip sites are abuzz today with the shocking news that Nicki Minaj missed the opening of American Idol last night because she was stuck in her car in traffic. I’d comment, if I weren’t late for work 78% of days. (But I am smart enough to sneak in the back door and pretend like I’ve been there for an hour when I pass somebody important). As for us, we’d rather comment on Nicki’s cleavage in Elle magazine this month. Lust her or dislike her, or just plain want her to stop talking so you can dislike her less and lust her more, Nicki has the curves going on. And she’s not afraid to show them.

Accentuate the positive, Julie Andrews taught me on endless loop in the Skinner box I was raised in as a child of a vastly overreaching social experiment. And Nicki must have heard the same. Which is why her asstastic and funbags are never not on public display. Enjoy.

Abby Brothers See-Through Reveals in Elle; Prepare to Fall Deep Into Lust

Abby Brothers Topless and See-Through Photoshoot in Elle Italy March 2013
Click to See Uncensored

If you aren’t already an ardent personal fan of tom boy hottie Abby Brothers, prepare yourself for  new lust in your life.

The tall skinny rocker hot rocker model takes a turn flashing her hot body and bare top in this months Elle Italy, providing a wonderful introduction to the sextastic, charming, and all-around chick you’d like to have as your sports loving girlfriend. Dare to dream the dream. And be sure to include Abby Brothers, because she’s ridiculously hot. Enjoy.

Check Out Abby Brothers BTS Video, She’s So Hot »

Eniko Mihalik Topless Goodness for Elle France

Eniko Mihalik Topless Beach Photoshoot in Elle France
Click to See Uncensored

Supermodels really are the greatest. In what other line of work can you find women at the very top of their profession willing to take their tops off at the office? That kind of thing never happened in the Macy’s women’s shoe department, I assure you.

But Hungarian supermodel Eniko Mihalik is flashing her body and upper body topless goodness in this month’s Elle magazine France. It’s like Elle magazine in the U.S., except for being lame and boring, it has topless models like Eniko. And topless models make everything better. If my dentist was a hot topless model, I’d be signing up for multiple root canals this minute. Enjoy.

Check Out More Eniko Topless Hotness »

Barbara Palvin Hotness Shines Through Even the Most Artsy Chick Magazine Coverings

I’ll really never understand two things about women: first, why they need 25 minutes to drop a deuce in the restroom, and, second, why they love to see other women wearing masks and veils and elaborate Victorian era costumes, rather than just, say, nekkid, or perhaps some panties and a bra. I guess the latter has something to do with the same reason women like foreplay. Okay, now that’s three things I’ll never understand.

However, when it comes to a woman as hot as young Victoria’s Secret phenom, Barbara Palvin, we can finally come together as a gender and declare that even dolled up in silly costumery, Barbara Palvin is so effin’ hot she can deliver tingly feelings to both men and women in spreads like her current Elle U.K. cover pictorial. Veils and goofy wardrobe (which I’m sure costs more than half of year’s rent for me) can not block the power of the Palvin sextastic.

Though once tainted by rumors of a fling with The Devil’s Midget, Barbara Palvin has put that little fay boy love in her past and her future looks very hot indeed. Enjoy.

Kate Upton Simple Sextastic Stunning in Elle Magazine

You know we like a girl, I mean, really really like a girl when we start posting her on our little web venture wearing clothes. And we really really do like Kate Upton, who albeit way over-dressed, still manages to drop a big bust-load of sextastic in this month’s Elle magazine. That’s a thing that very few women even in Hottieville can pull off, but Kate does it with passion inducement to spare.

Now, let’s not panic. There’s no chance of a growing trend of fully-dressed celebrities appearing herein, but with Kate Upton, the imagination tools barely need to be fired up to get a full mind-blowing visual of the blonde bombshell slipping coyly out of these sweaters and tops. Enjoy.