Elle magazine Posts:

Nicki Minaj Flashes Her Goods for Elle

All the girls gossip sites are abuzz today with the shocking news that Nicki Minaj missed the opening of American Idol last night because she was stuck in her car in traffic. I'd comment, if I weren't late for work 78% of days. (But I am smart enough to sneak in the back door and pretend like I've been there for an hour when I pass somebody important). As for us, we'd rather comment on Nicki's cleavage in Elle magazine this month. Lust her or dislike her, or just plain want her to stop talking so you can dislike her less and lust her more, Nicki has the curves going on. And she's not afraid to show them.

Accentuate the positive, Julie Andrews taught me on endless loop in the Skinner box I was raised in as a child of a vastly overreaching social experiment. And Nicki must have heard the same. Which is why her asstastic and funbags are never not on public display. Enjoy.

Eniko Mihalik Topless Goodness for Elle France

 

Supermodels really are the greatest. In what other line of work can you find women at the very top of their profession willing to take their tops off at the office? That kind of thing never happened in the Macy's women's shoe department, I assure you.

But Hungarian supermodel Eniko Mihalik is flashing her body and upper body topless goodness in this month's Elle magazine France. It's like Elle magazine in the U.S., except for being lame and boring, it has topless models like Eniko. And topless models make everything better. If my dentist was a hot topless model, I'd be signing up for multiple root canals this minute. Enjoy.

Barbara Palvin Hotness Shines Through Even the Most Artsy Chick Magazine Coverings

I'll really never understand two things about women: first, why they need 25 minutes to drop a deuce in the restroom, and, second, why they love to see other women wearing masks and veils and elaborate Victorian era costumes, rather than just, say, nekkid, or perhaps some panties and a bra. I guess the latter has something to do with the same reason women like foreplay. Okay, now that's three things I'll never understand.

However, when it comes to a woman as hot as young Victoria's Secret phenom, Barbara Palvin, we can finally come together as a gender and declare that even dolled up in silly costumery, Barbara Palvin is so effin' hot she can deliver tingly feelings to both men and women in spreads like her current Elle U.K. cover pictorial. Veils and goofy wardrobe (which I'm sure costs more than half of year's rent for me) can not block the power of the Palvin sextastic.

Though once tainted by rumors of a fling with The Devil's Midget, Barbara Palvin has put that little fay boy love in her past and her future looks very hot indeed. Enjoy.

Kate Upton Simple Sextastic Stunning in Elle Magazine

You know we like a girl, I mean, really really like a girl when we start posting her on our little web venture wearing clothes. And we really really do like Kate Upton, who albeit way over-dressed, still manages to drop a big bust-load of sextastic in this month's Elle magazine. That's a thing that very few women even in Hottieville can pull off, but Kate does it with passion inducement to spare.

Now, let's not panic. There's no chance of a growing trend of fully-dressed celebrities appearing herein, but with Kate Upton, the imagination tools barely need to be fired up to get a full mind-blowing visual of the blonde bombshell slipping coyly out of these sweaters and tops. Enjoy.

Jennifer Lawrence Has a Knack For Being Ridiculously Hot Even in Chick Magazines

We're coming up on the two year anniversary of the time when we first realized that our life would not be complete without some level of intercourse with the supremely hot and talented thespianic, Jennifer Lawrence. And that was just the beginning.

Over the past couple of years, in different looks and styles and blessedly different levels of skin reveals, the secretly buxom often-blonde minx has treated us to some of our often simple, but definitely favorite views in all of Hottieville, with her new pictorial in Elle magazine being no exception. Yes, these photos are intended to stimulate women into buy mode (though we know a few of you Sapphic leaning ladies out there are thinking about purchasing the same level of naughty knocking we guys are when it comes to Jennifer Lawrence), but when it comes to elite levels of hotness, it can not be contained. Enjoy.

Flavia Lucini Black and White and Topless All Over for Elle

 

Today is getting to know people day. After all, strangers are just friends you've yet to get to know, as my second grade teacher, the lovely and unusually large-handed Mrs. Oberwellermeyer-Johnson used to say. And, I bet you'd like to have Brazilian supermodel Flavia Lucini as your friend, especially after seeing her topless in this month's edition of Elle Mexico.

I mean, sure, guy friends are great if you need somebody to split parking with you at the ballgame, and you do need a male friend to call after the local rub-and-tug $29.95 massage turns out to be a police sting (shoutout to 'John' on that one from last Saturday), but female friends, especially the super good looking ones that like to take their tops off, well, that is a true friend indeed.

Welcome to Egotastic!, Flavia Lucini. Enjoy.

Damn, Eva Longoria Is Smoking Hot and Ready to Mingle; Check Out Her Elle Magazine Spread

We stick to our unscientific naming convention of calling Eva Longoria one of the most eligible single ladies in all of Hottieville. Yeah, okay, so the 30-something Latina hottie is rumored to be she-banging with various actors and athletes and blue bloods, but that does not dissuade us in the least from making Eva Longoria our sugar mama -- a hot, sweet, and cotton candy tasty sugar mama.

In the latest edition of Elle Spain, Eva Longoria shows what she can do even with her clothes on to allure members of the opposite sex (and, more financially impressive, still get herself tons o' lady fans, go figure. Someday, we will slip a ring on Eva's finger. Okay, so it won't be a ring and that won't be her finger, we still find it just as romantic, in our pursuit of this rich, sextastic, and  still single lady. Enjoy.