Covered Topless Posts:

Izabel Goulart Wicked Hot in Black and White for Lui (I’m Actually Sweating Just Looking)

Damn. Double damn. Izabel Goulart may have just topped all of her Brazilian counterparts this week with a steamy hot and showy spread in Lui magazine that is truly one for the ages. Mostly ages 18 and up, because you know, boys don't think about sex until 18.

Izabel's crazy smoking hot body is actually dripping with a moisture known only as 'me want badly' trickling down her ridiculously tight and toned female form. And that butt. Oh, how I want to kneel down and make it my everything. That might seem disturbing to the uninitiated ass-man, but to those of us who worship the hot lady bottomside like it was dropped from heaven, you know what I'm talking about. Just absolute perfection. We could all use a little more Goulart in our lives. Enjoy.

Jehane ‘Gigi’ Paris Covered Topless in Hot Los Angeles Photoshoot

The knowledge that newfound lust Jehane 'Gigi' Paris might've been just a few blocks down the street from me shooting her perfect bare French arse on a balcony kind of kills me. People in L.A. talk about wishing they'd seen Guns & Roses back in their days on Sunset, it's my dream to see all the hot model skin being shot in iconic hotel room boudoir and balcony pictorials. Really anything Gigi Paris works for me these days. Man, what an alluring female form Gigi has brought with her from Paris.

This Neave Bozorgi photoshoot is just the tip of the iceberg of the sextastic this fine French model has in store for us. While like many fashion models she began her career way too young to even appear here, Gigi is just getting started in her body of work showing off her hot body. I can hardly wait. C'mon, Gigi, don't make me wait! Enjoy.

Luci Ford Covered Topless in Her Kitchen

Luci Ford is just a regular gal that like to do her dishes with no shirt on. Doesn't every girl think, "My sink is full of dirty plates so I'm going to put on a pair of cut-off shorts and scrub the dishes with my knockers hanging out"? I'm going to choose to live in a world where that is exactly what happens. Luci's ladies are fairly tremendous. They are so big that they can barely be eclipsed by her whole body from behind. That's some serious boobtasticness, y'all. Her booty is also pretty amazing in those cutt-offs. This is the time of year when girls pull those bad boys out of their summer drawers and sport them around the city. That's why summer is my favorite time of year. That and sun dresses. Oh my, yes.

So, what I'm saying is that I encourage the ladies to follow Luci's example and do their housework topless.

Joanna Krupa Covered Topless in 2014 Calendar Photoshoot

Real Housewives of Miami stat Joanna Krups took some time off from cat fighting to take some provocative pics for a calendar. She wears a series of scandalously small bikinis that show off her crazy nice body. But the real news is her covered topless pics. Her skinny arms cannot cover up the enormity of her tig ol' bitties. Her funbags are gargantuan but really perky. There is sideboob galore, my friends. Joanna also shows off her totally incredible tummy in the bikini pics. You could seriously eat off of those abs they are so flat and toned. There is also some pretty ridiculous cleavage action. I'm going to start watching Real Housewives of Miami on the off chance that Joanna is in a bikini. I've stayed away from that particular incarnation of the Real Housewives franchise. As a Cuban-American people acting crazy in Miami hits a little close to home.

But still, it's a small price to pay to see Joanna in a bikini.

Kendall Jenner Topless Kinda Sorta For Interview Magazine

It's not the topless we've been hoping to see these seven long months now since Kendall Jenner has turned eighteen, but we are definitely getting closer. Let's put it this way, Kendall is definitely now shooting topless. Although her hands and arms are up and blocking her good bits still, I dare you to hold up your hands and arms in the air and hold them. They get tired. This can't possibly go on much longer for her. Not to mention sneaky peek outtakes which must exist somewhere.

Featured in the new edition of Interview magazine, Kendall does put on the typical topless covered model pose down, proving that she not only has the looks and body and birthright to be a model, but she's got the finer points down as well. I suspect she'll go pretty far in this world, though hopefully not too much farther without first lowering her hands. Enjoy.

Rachel Stevens Elected Sexiest Woman of All Time By FHM (She Does Look Super Fine In Her Skimpy Lingerie)

Just like Major Tom, I don't understand all this science. But somehow, FHM magazine went back through all their years of Hottest Woman of the Year voting since their inception and built some complex formulas on their Commodore computers and it spit out the name Rachel Stevens as the hottest girl every according to FHM readers. It's kind of surprising really as the former British bubble gum pop singer never actually won any of the single year's votes during the last two decades. Not that she's not hot and I wouldn't go through astronaut training just to get a chance to peck her on the cheek before my 27 year solo manned mission to Saturn, it's just that I don't understand science.

But I do understand the sextastic. And Rachel Stevens, now into her mid-30's, is looking finer than ever in this pictorial where she's barely covered with her hands or little bits of lingerie. The now mum of a brood never was much of a musical talent, but like so many American pop stars, she figured out how to look hot on stage with a wireless microphone and tight outfits while working some choreographed dance moves. That's enough for me. You know of my distaste for superlatives. There is no one hottest woman of all time. But, if I happened to run into Rachel Stevens posing in her lingerie, I'd tell her they made the right decision. Enjoy.

Skylar Grey Is Wicked Hot and Tatted Up For Inked Magazine

Thanks to our friends at the super cool Inked Magazine for this simply hot body art homage to the delicious and lyrical Skylar Grey. I've been thinking about Skylar Grey recently as they keep running her I'm Coming Home song in those omnipresent Budweiser commercials during sporting events. I've also been thinking about her because she's a vastly underrated hottie, and now quite much undressed and showing off her tats for Inked.

I mean, I respect musical artistry, but that doesn't mean I want to see all musicians in just their jeans and no top. Just a select few. Including Skylar who really does deserve some more lust from the gentleman ogling community. If this is the start of her coming out (more) party, consider me ready to don the silly hat and blow the noisemakers. I really do so desire Skylar. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Inked Magazine