Well hello there Kate Upton. What brings you to this beach all barely covered topless and outrageously sextastic looking in a barely bikini? Pimping Sports Illustrated? That sounds pretty solid. How about I give you a little neck-plus massage as you tell me about your latest gig.
Damn if Kate Upton doesn’t seem to look like she came forth topless from some sandy shore, like a mermaid who wished for human form so she could take to dry land and torment men. I can’t be sure of this theory of course, but this bosomy bombshell certainly never looks more at home and comfortable then when laying with her faptastic funbags in her hands across some exotic shoreline. Kate, consider me to be your humble slave. And remember, no task is too small or too intimate for me to be assigned. Give me an hour and an obscenely tiny washcloth and I will assure you there will be no sand left anywhere on your body. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated
I don’t see my lust for hot pregnant women as a curse, I see it as a blessing. For one, women will always get pregnant, that’s not ending any time soon. Secondly, the best looking women will always feel a need to show off their pregnancy, that’s a wonderful new thing. And finally, stop judging me! I do so lust the look of stellar women burgeoning with life, not to mention the milky udders that come as part of the package.
Nicole Trunfio has always been one of my Aussie transplant favorites. I actually cheered aloud when she moved to the U.S. to ply her craft, bare her wares, and inevitable produce future attractive next generations from her blessed womb. Why not share the miracle of her work quite unclothed in Harper’s Bazaar Australia. I’m not saying every woman with child should do the same, but let’s start with all the supermodels and expand the program from there. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Harper’s Bazaar Australia
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Sweet mother of funbags, Ela Rose has some amazing jugs. Seriously, they are exemplary. All other boobies of the world should stop what they are doing and learn a thing or three from Ela’s ta-tas. Mainly how to be really big and bouncy. In this photoshoot for our favorite overpriced agua, 138 Water, she showed off those impossibly perfect sweet meats by covering them with her hands. I mean, she tried to cover them up with her hands. Boobies of this magnitude cannot be contained by conventional means. All she succeeded in doing was covering the nips…barely. I’ve never actually drank this 138 Water but I’m going to start. I want to contribute to their business so that they keep doing photoshoots like this one.
I’m not really sure what really hot scantily clad women have to do with water but I’m pretty sure the ad guy who came up with this is a genius. “OK, so everyone needs to drink water. Everyone also wants to look at half-naked women…what if we combine the two?”. Bam! Advertising history made.
Photo Credit: FameFlyNet
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you ogle. At least how Christmas looks in the Egotastic! house each season. Picking out the perfect topless girl to string lights and popcorn chains over each December is no easy feat. But revived bosomy hottie Maitland Ward seems determined to be picked out first at the topless girl Christmas tree lot this season, showing a fine example of the Yuletide spirit by hanging brilliant seasonal lights over her even more brilliant boobtastic.
Maitland has definitely been making a push of late for the men and Sapphic leaning women in the general audience to notice her plump chestal goodies. I certainly admire any woman who does half the work for us. When she’s got a body like Maitland, I admire her that much more. I do so love this annual season of sharing and giving and peace on earth. And, yeah, bare ta-ta’s underneath the mistletoe. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Splash News
Ela Rose wears a finger bra and it is amazing. (Hollywood Tuna)
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley wears see-through clothes for Harper’s Bazaar. (Drunken Stepfather)
Why, yes I would like to see Toni Garrn topless in GQ. (Huffington Post)
Coco‘s boobs never cease to satisfy. (TMZ)
Mayra Suarez in a bikini is muy caliente, ese. (Popoholic)
Kate Hudson is single again, boys. (The Superficial)
A bunch of hot Victoria’s Secret models lip sync to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off”. (COED)
What can I say. I feel wonderful things in the air. From the opening of bikini season official in Miami to the self-shared candids of sextastic celebrities to photos and videos we don’t even know yet exist, okay, maybe I do. This week seems certain to be one of the fun ones. I rubbed the belly of nekkid Kourtney Kardashian and that magic eight ball came up roses. She too agrees, everybody is taking their clothes mostly off, all the way off, or just never had them on in the first place. We live in interesting times. Strap on your seatbelt, lay down the plastic sheets and tell the boss you can’t make the 2:00 because meetings are a super huge waste of time.
We’re about to get started. It’s Monday morning. Prepare to enjoy.
Photo credit: DuJour Magazine
Laetitia Casta, where have you been all my life? Just kidding, I’ve been peeking, leering, and spying on you since forever. And you just keep getting hotter and hotter.
Now at age 36, this French actress and model since her teenaged years just seems to be getting even that much more alluring and passion inducing. As evidence I present this Mario Sorrenti shot pictorial for Lui magazine. If you look up barely covered hottie in the French dictionary, you might just find these photos of Laetitia’s bare bottom and heavenly female form. She is a winner. though I feel like the champ for getting to peek on her near nekkid. The first rule of Egotastic!, never apologize for being human. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Lui Magazine