Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron Barely Covered Has My Furry Road Rumbling

I’ll pre-apologize for the title. Then I’ll admit this is not my favorite Charlize Theron shoot ever, but Charlize is one of my favorite hotties ever, so it all evens out in some splendid explosions of veteran hotness and leather in W Magazine.

Not even Penn taint can really thwart my feelings of passion for this statuesque blonde, set to join the Forties and Faptastic club this coming August. She has always been a picture of beauty, not to mention the image many men have made babies to. Perhaps many women as well. Just one 5’10″ bit of female goodness who makes me wish I were her traveling cabana boy. Yes, Ms. Theron. Right away, Ms. Theron. Are you sure that’s where the bee actually stung you, Ms. Theron? I’m so so ready for this. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: W Magazine

Charlize Theron Brings the Goodies Back in Bra Shoot for Esquire

I try to divorce the woman from the work as much as I possibly can. It seems only fair as I ask people to judge me on my character, and not just my record of completely misunderstood peeping tom arrests. So, I’m trying my best to ignore the fact that out of a billion eligible men, including myself, the veteran hottie Charlize Theron has decided that Sean Penn is the man to whom she wishes to give her body and soul and, oh, that body. I’m not one of those maniacal egomaniacs who thinks the girl should always be with me. I mean, I do beg, but I understand my realistic ceiling. Still, maybe a guy with a less extensive track record of beating up on the ladies? Charlize, we all care about you, for you, and naturally, want to see you nekkid and healthy.

Featured in the current edition of Esquire magazine, Charlize shows why late 30′s is nothing for a genetically blessed hottie in terms of keeping up with the sextastic of the girls a decade younger. The South African thespianic is looking mighty fine in just her bra for this cheeky black and white spread. It’s time likes these I remember my vow to humanity to invent a lickable computer monitor that tastes just like what you’re viewing. For now, my prurient thoughts remain a generation ahead of available technology. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Swimsuit Jet Skiing Veteran Hottie Goodness in Miami

Talk about your sirens of the sea. And I do often talk about them myself. Charlize Theron continued shooting for something important I’m sure along the beach in Miami in various swimsuit wardrobe changes. Her favorite being her ride atop a Jet Ski as that’s how I imagine she show’s up at my lagoon front abode ready to throw me down on the ground and force me to do things my mother always told me would make me an indecent fellow.

Charlize Theron looks like a super fun gal who keeps herself in incredible shape. I can’t believe her current choice of boyfriends, but then I never really do. I’m here for you, Charlize. Bring a few of those tight swimsuits and an open mind and Im prepared to show you the best three to five minutes of your life. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Nipple Pokes Are Quite Extraordinary

We’ve always had a major crush on Charlize Theron, who hasn’t? But now it seems that Charlize has a major crush on somebody herself, because whoever she’s thinking about in her photos in Max magazine has got her headlights straining something fierce.

As members in good standing of Nipple Lovers Anonymous (NLA), we’re already prone to play happy peek-a-boo with the pointy ends of our favorite celebrity funbags, but when they get to be all swollen and strained, well, heck, all the NLA members end up hosting their own private meetings in the bathroom. That’s just how we roll. Full beams away. Thank you, Charlize. Enjoy.

Chevy Chase Hates On ‘Community’ Again! Here Are 5 Other Actors Who Hated Their Work

Chevy Chase has once again been bad mouthing the show that he currently stars in, Community. Come on, Chevy. Can’t we all just get along? I would have though after Dan Harmon’s departure you would let sleeping dogs lie!

But, oh no, wait, Chevy has now stated that not only does he regret signing up for the NBC comedy but that he believes television sitcoms are “the lowest form of television.” It wasn’t all bad though, he did say he likes the cast that he worked with.

Chase’s peculiar interview with the Huffington Post’s UK edition also sees him discuss his feelings for Louie CK in such an odd fashion that you barely know if he likes or loathes him. Anyway, Chase isn’t the only actor to hate his work. Here are 5 other thespians who despised the content they starred in.

Charlize Theron Hotness and Ciara Cleavage Among the Few Reasons to Watch MTV Movie Awards

Sour grapes from us being banned from the MTV Movie Awards this year? Eh, maybe. But that show, that network, has really sunk to the bottom of the bowl like a turd trying to be first in line to hit the expressway home to the sewer line, which leads to a bunch of rehabbing inane drunkards checking into the Jersey Shore house for the sixth time on the East Coast while a bunch of mostly no-named, faceless rubes were paraded down the MTV red carpet last night and we were told they were fun and interesting and exciting people. Yeah, not so much.

However, MTV being owned by a much larger parent corporation, and still being a churning marketing machine to a teen audience of future postal workers, the studios did gear up some of their A-listers currently in theaters to pimp their wares at the award show, which led to the tremendous silver lining of the hotness likes of Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart and Emma Watson and Jenna Dewan and Shailene Woodley and Victoria Justice and Ciara (who we did mostly include because of her sweet boobtastic show). And while the smiles were fake and the words polished, the hot bodies were still very much worth ogling. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron and Noomi Rapace Drop Dead Sextastic on the Prometheus Red Carpet.

This is absolutely the week to be Charlize Theron. Or, make that, the week to ogle Charlize Theron. Not only is Snow White and The Huntstman out today, but Charlize is out around the world at premieres of Prometheus, which opens in the U.S. next week. It’s her week and she’s looking damn fine during her week.

At the Prometheus premiere in London, Charlize looked all kinds of red carpet leggy and sextastic, and along with film co-star Noomi Rapace, reminded us that we happen to hot women in our sci-fi interplanetary goblin stories. Enjoy.