Candice Swanepoel

Hey, Bill, Whatcha Watching? (VIDEO)

I got so many positive responses last week to my little bit about what I was watching online on a Sunday evening, I decided to give you my list again. Granted, the bulk of that positive response came in emails from my Uncle Steve followed by, can you help me out with a few bucks, but I like to think his compliments were independently valid. I like sharing. It makes me feel like I’m part of a global campaign to help people see more hot women. If the UN had any legitimacy, I would already be named an ambassador.

As to what I’ve been watching the past several hours, well, how about Candice Swanepoel oiled and glittery booty, Beyonce bikini body hot in her Standing on the Sun video, Stephanie Pratt showing off like a naughty schoolgirl for the Brits, and Doutzen Kroes teasing in black lingerie and stockings. As you can tell, my tastes are diverse. I invite you to share in my virtual playlist. Enjoy.

Candice Swanepoel Sextastic And Braless In Jeans


Candice Swanepoel isn’t just hot, she’s unfairly hot. As in, whoever created her must’ve realized how many men and Sapphic leaning women were going to suffer over long periods of time from unrequited lust. Is she borne of good or illicit intent? This is the cosmic question for the ages I’ll mostly leave to the rabbinical scholars as I devote my time to perusing the visuals. Like this simply jeans pimping pictorial that Candice turns into a braless wonderland of eye popping and tent popping lust inducement. Damn. How does she do this? It’s not quite magic, not quite enchantment, but surely something not explained by conventional science is afoot here.

I can’t help but feel like upgrading my couches from Ikea ’02 will improve my odds of returning home one evening to find Candice Swanepoel in nothing but shredded jeans laying in my living room/kitchenette. Though my gambling instincts are rather questionable. I’m a man who relies heavily on blind faith. Also, finding discount furniture outlets. Give me three months, Candice. It takes time for the buys to arrive from Kamchatka. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Osmoze Jeans

Candice Swanepoel Topless Covered With Her Hottie Friends for Victoria’s Secret Swim Special 2015

Hot girls often have hot friends. I feel like if I could just crack the code on the first part of that equation, I could inevitably surround myself with beautiful half-nekkid to fully-nekkid models and celebrities who think of me as a trusted friend they can change in front of. That is the dream.

Candice Swanepoel has some mightily attractive friends. Many of whom she hooked up with to film the Victoria’s Secret Swimwear Special. Just looking at the results, I can see several things that are quite special, starting with Our Lady of Swanepoel laying barely covered on the beach. I’ve always maintained the best way to sell a swimsuit is by having one outstandingly sextastic woman not wear that swimsuit in photos. The Emperor’s new clothes really is the ideal line for these incredibly alluring bodied women. If there’s one thing I know, it’s absent fashion. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret 2015 Swim Special

Candice Swanepoel Covered Topless And Other Fine Things To Ogle

candice-swanepoel-maxim-cover-feb-03

Candice Swanepoel uses her arm as a bra. (Popoholic)

It’s cold here but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)

Amber Rose grinds up on a dude like a champ. (WWTDD)

Jen Selter is hot in a bikini. So is her mom. (TMZ)

Kate Hudson‘s abs are RIDICULOUS. (Huffington Post)

Margot Robbie is sexy as F for Vogue Australia. (Drunken Stepfather)

Roxanne Sanderson in a swimsuit will make your day. (Hollywood Tuna)

Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Pictures May Just Set Off A Four Alarm Fire In Your Undercrackers

It’s like a tidal wave of amazingly hot women in lingerie from our friends at Victoria’s Secret leading up to Valentine’s Day. A tsnumai of sextastic women in bras and panties, as if they are daring you to find the strength to resist. Somebody needs to file a complaint at the Hague or something about this kind of inhumane tantalizing of the male parts.

Candice Swanepoel was simply born to model lingerie. I don’t know what else she had planned as a young person, but I’m glad she figured out that those other career paths wouldn’t benefit her or mankind nearly as much as preening, bending, and posing in little bits of silken undergarments. This is her gift and she’s sharing it with the world. There’s no more beautiful human gesture to be made. Not ogling her outstanding body would be an insult of extraordinary proportions. Don’t be rude, stare. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

More Valentines Lingerie From Victoria Secret Angels Behati And Candice

If you thought Victoria’s Secret was giving up. Think again. With just eleven days to go until one of their biggest holidays o the year, they are turning on the sextastic after burners with the likes of uber-hotties Candice Swanepoel and Behati Prinsloo barely dressed in Valentine’s themed bras and panties, or no bras at all. Panties you may remove with your mind.

Let’s be honest, they’re not playing fair. But you need to maintain your resolve not to purchase lingerie for your wife, girlfriend, mistress, or office secret lust crush. Obviously, I don’t need to tell your mom or sister, that’s just wrong and you need help. Just blanket the idea with a no-go this holiday. Sure, you may find yourself at 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s, but you can always play God of War on low contrast and ask your date to nudge you when Dakota Johnson gets nekkid on screen. It’s worth a shot. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Candice Swanepoel Poses In Denim

The lovely Candice Swanepoel used her considerable talents to do this denim-centric photo shoot. All the proceeds from the sale of her denim line go to fighting HIV, which is using your hotness powers for good. The first thing you notice in the pics with her in short shorts is her redonkulously hot legs. Seriously, those gams go on for miles, as a 1940′s private eye might say. Candice has one of those classic tall model bodies that makes life worth living. But let’s not forget about those ta-tas. In one pic she is only wearing a pair of jeans and you get a nice eyeball full of her sideboobage. Candice’s funbags are a work of art. They are the perfect median between too big to hold and the itty bitty titty committee. Are they, perhaps, the most perfect set of sweater hams under God’s heavens? They darn well could be.

I do like a girl in a pair of short cut-off denim shorts. Maybe it’s because I had my sexual awakening as a little boy in the early 80′s to Daisy Duke on the Dukes of Hazard.

Photo Credit: Mother Denim Line