Asstastic Posts:

Rumer Willis Shows Off Two Perky Cheeks of Booty Goodness in Stretch Pants

Wow, this wasn't exactly expected. Rumer Willis is not all that shy about showing off when she takes to getting into some more exhibitionist moments, but rarely have we seen her rear side so cheeky before in blessed stretch pants. And might I add, jolly good show, Rumer.

Rumer has been both blessed and cursed in the Bruce Willis offspring department I suppose. Sure, there's the lifestyle and the Demi Moore genes, but the Willis jawline has been likely dominating genetic traits for centuries now. Still, I shall never disrespect a young woman with a squeezable keester. It is a treasure to, um, treasure. Enjoy.

Andrea Calle Booty Faptastic Workout in Miami

Talk about tough competition, don't show up to Miami without your best assets forward, err, backward, for you will be swept right out of town.

Andrea Calle, the Spanish language MMA reporter hottie, took to the local parks herself in super tight and tiny shorts to show off her own particular thumper skills, bending, stretching, and working out her glutes to give her competition a little run for their money. Game on. Andrea did not come to just be nominated, she came to win the asstastic model hotties of Miami virtual showdown, with a booty so tight and round, all the flat bottomed girls began to cry. Oh, don't cry, I still lust you. Enjoy.

Holy Asstastic! Michelle Lewin Super Powers Her Thumper in the Park

I'm not sure that backside of fitness model Michelle Lewin should even be street legal. My living room legal, most certainly, but we can't have that kind of rear end poking and straining in the public parks where boys are bound to pick up all sorts of prurient thoughts. Just look what all my hours of ogling women at the park from a young age did to me. It's a burden I tell you.

Michelle Lewin has the rump of an exercised goddess. It's just so fierce and strong and thumpalicious. Then she turns around to reveal a super fine all over ridiculously hot woman. It's almost too much. Hurt me with your power-cheeks, Michelle. Make me suffer for my naughty thoughts. Go on, I need this cleansing of my mortal soul. When I stop breathing, go on for another five minutes. Enjoy.

There Is No Escape from the Kelly Brook Faptastic Booty

And why would you want to escape? If anything, I'd like twenty years in a small cell with the bottomside of the curvaceous hottie brunette wo has now brought her booty in tights show to Los Angeles, just to make me even more incredibly uncomfortable in my Zubaz pants.

Kelly Brook was just floating about West Hollywood today throwing down all kinds of passion inducing gang signs with her killer asstastic and her bodacious cleavy top, letting the Yanks know that Jolly Old England didn't get to be Jolly without a gaggle of giggly hot and full-bodied brunettes. Kelly really does float my boat. Literally, I think she could float it. I'd surely like to try. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook’s Curves Come to California (I Need to Hit the Road)

Just knowing that Kelly Brook and her asstastic are within ten nautical miles of my current position has my sextastic sonar pinging on all cylinders. I had to raise the premature enjoyment threat to whatever the color code is that represents the feeling of embarrassment. I'm actively shaking at the moment just seeing these photos of the curvaceous wondergirl on the beach here in Los Angeles.

Kelly packs all her goodies right along with her when she travels. That superior blooming apple bottom, that racktastic barely contained in even the most sturdy of sports bras, and an alluring look that for a British girl fits right into the sunny California beach scene. Oh, man, to spend five minutes exploring Brookland without a chaperone. Heaven. Enjoy.

Jennifer Lopez Butt Cheeks Captured Pimping Big Time on a Yacht

I guess the World Cup promos aren't quite done yet with Jennifer Lopez and her amazing mommy asstastic. They took the sultry diva out onto the big blue aboard a yacht, but not so far that our telescopic lenses paparazzi friends couldn't focus in on the mighty buttockal cheeks of the backside Hall of Famer.

Not many moms in their 40's could get away with strapping on the form fitting uni that Jennifer was sporting for her shake and bake video shoot. Not just get away with, but excel really. She truly is a wonder if  the visual sciences. I'd love to get a much closer look, to study her secrets, and, obviously, plant lots of little tiny kisses. Enjoy.

Sofia Vergara Booty Isn’t a House, It’s a Home

Sometimes you see a hot woman with a crazy curvy bottom and you just want to run through your list or terribly delightful things you'd like to do with a full jar of honey and an entire afternoon of unbooked time. Other times you know you just want to move in for good. Sofia Vergara flashed her candied yam cheeks in purple stretch pants that might as well have had a realtor signed attached looking for oglers to nest for a decade or two. Just so sweet and round and perfectly plump.

Blessed stretch pants giveth, and rarely ever taketh away. Let us not forsake the yoga pants craze or it may go away, and along with it, a casually amazing view of the keesster of sultry hot Sofia Vergara. Then I would be sad. Like a child who has lost his favorite toy. For that is what will have passed. Enjoy.