Asstastic Posts:

Kelly Brook’s Curves Come to California (I Need to Hit the Road)

Just knowing that Kelly Brook and her asstastic are within ten nautical miles of my current position has my sextastic sonar pinging on all cylinders. I had to raise the premature enjoyment threat to whatever the color code is that represents the feeling of embarrassment. I'm actively shaking at the moment just seeing these photos of the curvaceous wondergirl on the beach here in Los Angeles.

Kelly packs all her goodies right along with her when she travels. That superior blooming apple bottom, that racktastic barely contained in even the most sturdy of sports bras, and an alluring look that for a British girl fits right into the sunny California beach scene. Oh, man, to spend five minutes exploring Brookland without a chaperone. Heaven. Enjoy.

Jennifer Lopez Butt Cheeks Captured Pimping Big Time on a Yacht

I guess the World Cup promos aren't quite done yet with Jennifer Lopez and her amazing mommy asstastic. They took the sultry diva out onto the big blue aboard a yacht, but not so far that our telescopic lenses paparazzi friends couldn't focus in on the mighty buttockal cheeks of the backside Hall of Famer.

Not many moms in their 40's could get away with strapping on the form fitting uni that Jennifer was sporting for her shake and bake video shoot. Not just get away with, but excel really. She truly is a wonder if  the visual sciences. I'd love to get a much closer look, to study her secrets, and, obviously, plant lots of little tiny kisses. Enjoy.

Sofia Vergara Booty Isn’t a House, It’s a Home

Sometimes you see a hot woman with a crazy curvy bottom and you just want to run through your list or terribly delightful things you'd like to do with a full jar of honey and an entire afternoon of unbooked time. Other times you know you just want to move in for good. Sofia Vergara flashed her candied yam cheeks in purple stretch pants that might as well have had a realtor signed attached looking for oglers to nest for a decade or two. Just so sweet and round and perfectly plump.

Blessed stretch pants giveth, and rarely ever taketh away. Let us not forsake the yoga pants craze or it may go away, and along with it, a casually amazing view of the keesster of sultry hot Sofia Vergara. Then I would be sad. Like a child who has lost his favorite toy. For that is what will have passed. Enjoy.

Achy Breaky Booties on Display in Billy Ray Cyrus Reprise

You can't keep a good butt down. Or a country music singer with a big hit from twenty-five years ago trying to recreate a little financial magic. Before I mock Billy Ray Cyrus for reprising his Achy Breaky 2 musical moneymaker in a redux version, I have to give him credit for understanding what really sells. Sweet hot ladies with mega-fine derrieres. Hence, his new music video is chock full of models baring buns and making you forget all about the cynical craptastic of this musical nonsense.

Billy Ray, we're all good. I mean, first you let your daughter show us her sweet teats this month bare in magazines, now this. You are a giver, sir. Enjoy

Autumn Brooke Brings Winter Time Asstastic to Miami

I must admit, I'm not exactly sure who Autumn Brooke is. I mean, I know she's a native Miami area model, but I'm not super familiar with her work, not that it particularly matters as I lost myself in thirty minutes or maybe hours of ogling her sweetly sextastic bottomside in a bikini along the beach.

That booty made me holler seven songs and two ditties as I tried to wrap my mind around some very profound feelings that awakened in my procreative areas. That asstastic gem of a keester just filled me with the special kind of tingle I first remember as a young boy at the public pool. You never forget your first grown up girl thong bottom. Yowzers. Autumn Brooke, whatever it is you're feeding that thing, it's working. Keep up the good work. Enjoy.

Nina Agdal Booty In Your Face for Big Grins

The sight of Danish Delight Nina Agdal flashing her butt in super short shorts for the camera almost makes me not want to be jealous of lucky bastard photographer Terry Richardson for just a second or two. Terry did manage to get Nina into his studio for some special photos, including this whopper or her ridiculously hot booty barely contained in her Daisy Dukes.

Now, I'm not saying it's time to start objectifying women by zooming the camera lens in on their super fine hineys. But I am saying that if you do feel so obliged, please also feel obligated to share with me and the millions of other model hot thumper lovers out there. Make the world a better place, one fine asstastic at a time. Bless your bottom dollars, Nina. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Buns of Steel Made Right Here

Technically, I believe Michelle Lewin is Venezuelan, but I'm prepared to claim her as our own for her wonderful work in the world of the fitness asstastic. There's a lot of competition for best yoked bottom in a Miami park at any given time, but Michelle Lewin has really turned her gluteal stretches into a true work of visual art.

Michelle has blown up to some massive number of social media followers thanks to her fit body and especially that tight and cheeky bum of hers. If you're going to follow somebody on social media, why not make it a hot girl with a fine thumper. That is my personal criteria and it keeps my feeds lean and worthy. Like Michelle Lewin herself. Heavy on the worthy. Damn! Enjoy.