Asstastic Posts:

Claudia Romani Killer Tush and One Lucky Bastard Swan Raft

Most people want to come back as a king or some pro athlete or some big shot, I want to come back as the inflatable pool raft that Claudia Romani and her shiny thumper was molesting with her bikini body over the weekend in Miami. That lucky bit of Made in China blow up toy got super blown up by Claudia in multiple bikinis rubbing to and fro atop it from beak to tail. Yes, I am jealous of a piece of plastic.

Someday, when the laws are more progressive and righteous, Claudia's killer tush and I will be wedded in holy matrimony for up to eighteen months. At some point on our honeymoon, I will request that Claudia give me the 'swan treatment'. She'll smile because she'll know exactly what I mean. I'll cry because I'm about to be so happy. Enjoy.

Rihanna Goes Bare Arse Up For Asstastic Photoshoot Greatness!

Well, this is a thing. I don't care if you're a big Rihanna fan or not. Personally, I'd steal any kids milk money to pay for five minutes alone time with Rihanna's naturally hot body. But you must give her and her buttocks credit for going bare and crazy hot sextastic for a photoshoot in Hollywood.

Rihanna was clearly not wearing any panties, her tanlines showing as her rump was poked skyward in a very provocative set of poses for the camera crew snapping her immortal lady humps. Wow, I need a minute to myself.  Just stellar posing and preening and bare asstastic exhibiting by the Bajan diva. Rihanna has consistently delivered in the skintastic showoff department, an A-plus student in that regard. Even when captured telescopically from afar, she's making a fine display of her alluring assets. I'm so happy, for her, for me, and for those yet to be converted. What an arse. Enjoy.

Good God, Take Me Now! Alessia Tedeschi’s Thumper Will Be My Undoing.

I mean, this Miami beach international booty competition is getting downright ridiculous. I mean ridiculous like the kids say, meaning, it's awesome. Crazy kids.

Alessia Tedeschi and her Italian beauty pageant winning thumper was on prime display on the beach in a monokini that showed off her entire crazy hot beach body. Her frontside and side sides and topsides are hardly slouches. But that curvy tight and tanned badonkadonk. Wow. I just want to cup her cheeks in my hands and cry like an infant with a soiled diaper. In fact, I might even soil myself just for authenticity sake. I go deep into method. Alessia, please, don't ever put that dangerous weapon of yours in its holster. Free the booty! Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Works Her Booty to the Point of Asstastic Perfection in Miami

Amazing thumpers don't just grow on trees. Oh, that they did. I'd live beneath that tree. They are both born and then shaped through hard work and sweat and sacrifice. Thankfully, I don't need to do any of those hard things to ogle Michelle Lewin and her toned round thing working out in Miami.

Michelle Lewin might just have the finest bottom side in the tough town of Miami. But it doesn't come easily. She stretches and squats and tugs that thing into its perfectly shaped submission. And, she obligingly does so in public, in tight stretch pants and a sports bra so that we may see precisely how the tastiest sausage is made. It really is quite the exhibition. I can only imagine the car accidents that ensue along her stretched out poses. Sacrifices must be made for the asstastic. Enjoy.

Karina Jelinek and Paz Cornu Soak Up the Sun With Hot Buns in Miami

I happen to heavily lust the hot buns and all-over goodness of Argentinean Karina Jelinek. And, look, she brought a friend with her today, fellow hot model countrywoman Paz Cornu, just to provide four amazing cheeks of sextastic glowing beneath the South Florida sunshine. Everybody is upping the ante in those parts, and the parts on these two wicked hot Sudamericanas is all-in, if I may carry on my lame poker analogy.

Oh, my oh my. this must be what booty heaven looks like. I'll let you know for sure when I get there. Enjoy.

Karina Jelinek Bikini Booty Is Sudamericana Perfection in Miami

There's really nothing more manly than crying like a little girl child at the sight of one wicked hot thong bikini asstastic. It's the height of masculinity to weep openly at such a visual wonderment.

Take for instance the beautifully tanned thumper of Argentinean model and oft-scandalous Karina Jelinek sharing her buttockal perfect peaks with the good oglers of Miami Beach. Quite a treat for the peeps. Just looking at that amazing booty on Karina, I can feel the waterworks kicking into high gear. Yes, I'm talking about my eyes. I'm an emotionally attached male. Oh, god, that ass. Somebody hold me. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Booty Workouts Ought to Be Illegal (Illegal Not to Watch)

Holy worked out thumper, Batman. Michelle Lewin, fitness model to the Miami stars extraordinaire, was once more pumping and straining and stretching her glutes at the park in Miami, making everybody passing by stop and stare and drag their tongues along the warm South Florida pavement.

Michelle doesn't just have a toned booty, she has the fiercest finest stacked bottomside this side of Jen Selter. I'd love to see those two battle it out for asstastic supremacy. I volunteer to be ref. There will no no tap outs. Just me whimpering a lot and begging for no mercy. Damn, look at that bottomside in shorts. I want to melt into her sweat. Is that even possible? I'm going to try. Enjoy.