Asstastic Posts:

Kate Middleton Butt-Gate Gets Hot and Heavy in European Circles

Seeing as how I was rumored to be her baby daddy, I often do get asked to comment on stories involving Kate Middleton, especially her bare nekkid fun parts. We all remember the scandal when paparazzi shot photos of Kate topless on vacation and England declared war on the rest of Europe and I think guillotined a few French and Danish publishers. They do take their royals very seriously on the Old Country.

Now, a photo of Kate Middleton's bare-arse, not her first upskirt wind-aided fly-up, has the British royals up in booty arms again. Apparently, they don't think the rest of the world needs to see the hot MILFy buns of their future Queen. Even their own newspapers of record won't show the photos, just talk about how uncouth the rest of the world is for not respecting the monarchs. As for Kate Middleton, she continues to wear summer dresses with high hemlines and thong panties while getting in and out of helicopters. I'll let you decide how she feels about being butt peeped.

In my opinion, everybody, most definitely including England, needs to be grateful they have one of the world's best looking royals on their home turf and ought to gladly share pics of her regal beagle if for no other reason than to make the rest of the world jealous. But that's just me, Little Georgie's Uncle Bill.

Photo credit: Bild.de

Luxiboo Wet T-Shirt Asstastic Goodness in Malibu

Luxiboo is my new favorite Pinay model with killer curves. She might even make my bucket list, that is, thing for which I am willing to hand over my bucket of change I've been collecting since 2005 in order to obtain. She sure seems what will ultimately prove to be an extremely cumbersome load of  about $89 once turned into the machine at the grocery story.

Luxiboo added a little Reckless slogan wet-shirt barely covering her outrageously hot boobtastic and an overall bikini body that deserves some kind of Presidential Award. Heck, I got an award for doing 15 pushups, I think Lexiboo and her asstastic preening deserves at least the same.  Enjoy.

Claudia Romani Bikini Pictures Bring Back the Killer Tush In All Its Lust Inducing Glory

I don't follow the news and politics all that closely I must admit, but based on headline scanning I do believe I'm getting a couple steps closer to being able to legally marry the hot thong bikini booty of Italian model Claudia Romani. It will be a simple ceremony. I'll break the glass, I wouldn't want her perfect thumper to be injured in any manner. I mean, a slight bit of spanking later in the evening, but mostly just because her bottomside has been very naughty.

Once married, I'll whisk her sweet cheeks away for a honeymoon in either Hawaii or to my summer residence at the Red Roof Inn down the street here for one to seven nights of semi-conscious coupling. It will be grand. I can already picture a game show host on the Newlywed Game asking her sweet seat what kind of cereal I like best. We will be so happy until the inevitable messy celebrity butt divorce. Oh, Claudia, your killer tush is killing me! Enjoy.

Kristina and Karissa Shannon Fire off Twin Booty Cannons in Beverly Hills

It's been a while since we've seen the platinum blonde Shannon Twins out and about in the local environs. So leave it to Kristina Shannon and Karissa Shannon to make quite a splash, a big badonkadonk splash, when re-entering the paparazzi universe.

The curvaceous twins were shopping in the fancy shops in Beverly Hills that give me funny looks if I get within fifty feet and bending over seemingly to inspect every item on sale. I'm not exactly sure what made those thumpers of theirs, I'm guessing a combo of Mother Nature and Daddy 90210, but they're impressive lady humps to say the least. I almost want to dare you not to look, but I'd hate for you to lose so easily. Shannon sisters, I give you an A-plus on new first impressions. Enjoy.

Ana Braga and Her Purple Thong Bikini Are a Wonderful Duo

Ana Braga knows how to wear a bikini. Or not wear a bikini. Even with the tiny thong the blonde Brazilian bombshell often wears to the beach in Miami, she seems to feel like it's covering too much. So, often, the top has to come off for a bit, or in this wonderfully exhibitionist bit of thumper-teasing, Ana decided to take down her thong bottoms for a little ride along curvaceous roads. Fortunate for us to share in the experience.

Bodacious and crazy curvy girls in thongs is quite a thing to begin with. You start adding in lots of stretching and lowering of the thongs, and you have an even greater thing. This is called innovation and I like it. Enjoy.

Abbey Clancy Bikini Pictures Asstastic on Dubai Holiday (Yes, I Want to Grab Her Butt Too)

I never much get past Palm Springs adjacent for my vacations. And, by Palm Springs adjacent, I mean the first Native American desert casino that offers free drinks at the low dollar card tables. But hot model and WAG types like Abigail Clancy get to go to Dubai for their thrice a season holidays, to show off their wicked hot bikini bodies, and in the case of Abbey Clancy, one stellar fine and perfectly yoked booty.

Man, her thumper deserves exotic holidays to far away lands. Why not share a gift of that magnitude with the entire world. I've never thought the Middle East made for a particularly awesome vacation destination, but sextastic women are internationally accepted and reversed. If anybody or anything can bring understanding across borders, it's Abigail's derriere in a tiny thong bikini. Just picture perfect. And caress perfect. And a couple other things perfect that would require a sketch drawing for me to explain properly. Booty! Enjoy.

Claudia Romani Killer Tush and One Lucky Bastard Swan Raft

Most people want to come back as a king or some pro athlete or some big shot, I want to come back as the inflatable pool raft that Claudia Romani and her shiny thumper was molesting with her bikini body over the weekend in Miami. That lucky bit of Made in China blow up toy got super blown up by Claudia in multiple bikinis rubbing to and fro atop it from beak to tail. Yes, I am jealous of a piece of plastic.

Someday, when the laws are more progressive and righteous, Claudia's killer tush and I will be wedded in holy matrimony for up to eighteen months. At some point on our honeymoon, I will request that Claudia give me the 'swan treatment'. She'll smile because she'll know exactly what I mean. I'll cry because I'm about to be so happy. Enjoy.