Asstastic Posts:

Kaley Cuoco Big Bold Booty Coming Along Ever So Nicely

Some girls are trying to short cut this whole booty building process with 90210 injections. But Kaley Cuoco seems intent on building a two hands squeezable derriere the old fashioned way -- yoga and Pilates. Well, not technically old-fashioned, but certainly the more legitimate way.

In her stretch pants coming out of yoga class, Kaley was flashing the beautiful butt monster in the making, all round and spankable and perfect. Obviously, we'd need to peel off those yoga pants to get a complete picture of the rose garden Kaley is tending to back there, and I'm fully willing and able and ready to volunteer for that duty. Not only do I peel slowly and precisely, but I hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic for dramatic impact. Call me, Kaley, I think you'll like the whole process. Enjoy.

Karina Jelinek and Paz Cornu Bikini Latina Asstastic on Miami Beach

I love it when the Argentinean hotties get together on the beach. Especially when that beach is Miami loaded with paparazzi just dying to capture some beautiful bikini bodies and bottomsides for our guilty viewing pleasures. Minus the guilt, naturally.

Karina Jelinek has been one of our favorite visual wonderments from Sudamericana for some time now. She frequents the beaches of South Florida in a cultural exchange program designed to bring the world closer together over love of hot oily lady thumpers. I'd say it's working. When she invited her fellow countrywoman model hottie buddy Paz Cornu to join her on the sand in bikinis, well, the day got a whole lot more interesting. Not quite as interesting as how I imagine the two girlfriends clean sand off each others bodies when they get back to the condo, but interesting enough. Sultry hot asstastic bikini Latinas. I could not be happier. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Bikini Rump Hot Enough to Fry Eggs and Cajones

I really can't think of a more inspiring sight than Michelle Lewin and her oiled down magical thumper on the beach in Miami. I was going to say something like the Statue of Liberty or similarly powerful symbols, but they all still come in second place for me to the super fine arse and all over hot bikini body of the Venezuelan fitness model.

Michelle Lewin's freckles alone drive me to the brink of insanity. You know how badly I want to connect those dots and see where they lead me? Perhaps a little bit dangerous on a woman that could squat thrust me into the next county, but oh, the smile I'd have on my face as I was flying through the air. Michelle Lewin, you are booty baring treat for the ages. Enjoy.

Kelly Brook Superb Tight Stretch Pants for the Booty Side and Camel Toe Peeping Win

Kelly Brook continues to invade both Los Angeles and my thoughts as she struts about daily in various and sundry super tight stretch pants barely containing her ample booty, and in some cases, flashing signs of the toe of the luscious camel in the front. Oh, yes, it's quite obvious to see Kelly's lady parts are in full working and receptive order. Complete with post workout sweat. I'd say that's just about the perfect picture.

I knew Kelly Brook was in my neighborhood long before I read about it anywhere. My Spidey-senses tingle at the proximity of her two hands full scoops of bodacious booty. The fact she's flaunting her asstastic within a few clicks of my location has my hands fluttering and barely able to type. Maybe it's lust, maybe it's gravity, but something is definitely tugging at not my heart strings. Kelly, keep up the fine work. And stretch pants, bless you once more. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos Booty Is Whooty With an Attitude for TCA TV Pimping

Somebody hold me. I think I feel a tremor coming on. Holy thumper-tastic views of the Grecian goddess Maria Menounos in a tight skirt and bare midriff top showing off for the The Critics Association summer preview tour. Maria has a new show coming up on E!, So NBCUniversal told her to slip into something a little tighter and create some momentum for her latest TV endeavor. I'd say it worked. Man, oh, man, just look at that whooty packed in so desperately and desirably tight.

Now, there's little chance I'd ever watch anything on E!. The emasculation factor is just far too frightening. But I'm going to need to find a way to keep my Maria Menounos hot bodied ogling needs filled. I'll work on some behind the scenes type shots of her ridiculously steamy sexy body. I can't just go cold turkey on that hot roast beef. Now I'm hungry! Enjoy.

Oh To Have Kelly Brook Junk In My Trunk

Kelly Brook is pretty much taunting me at this point. I hate to personalize things, but Kelly walking about my hood in her Spandex stretch pants pulled up tight over her outrageously two-hands-full booty is just downright sinister. Sure, she walks away from me too fast to ever get a great glimpse of her frontal beauty and sweet curvy treats, but those lovely large lady cans are always right there in my line of sight. Kelly Brook, you are killing me.

I know with our nation currently under siege from more pressing immigration matters, I probably won't get much attention to my request to personally detain Kelly and ask the Brit what her business is here in Los Angeles and if she understands what I mean when I say I can make all her Visa problems go away with a quick game of hide the kidney pie. I would do this for the good of our nation. And my desperate to be near Kelly reproductive organs. Why not serve both. Enjoy.

Claudia Romani Full Tilt Killer Bikini Tush Throttling in Miami

Oh, my. It can't be long now before the Supreme Court and the Counsel of the Guardian Elders allows for me to take the wicked hot thumper of Claudia Romani and make it my wife. I have a ring and everything. I'd show you, but it's complicated.

Claudia chose pink as her bikini color to thong-show off her amazing backside, not to mention her frontside, and all over Roman goodness. I can't believe we haven't perfected Google Earth yet to allow me to track Claudia Romani on the beach in real time. At which point, I'd never ever have to leave my seat. You know, once I install the proper tubing. Claudia just makes me smile, her asstastic gives me serious face. That's my kind of woman. Enjoy.