Asstastic

Asstastic Humps For a Humpday Huzzah!

My loveliest minion Whitney and I got into a fight over whether lady humps was meant to describe the glorious funbags of fine ladies or their equally alluring keesters. To further her positions, she put together a dozen pictures of super fine celebrity asstastic including Jessica Alba, Kim Kardashian, and Nikki Mudarris. I guess she wins in terms of preponderance of the evidence of a sextastic nature.

Whether humps refers to tops or bottoms, make no mistake, lady curves are the finest shapes ever produced by the prodigious and benevolent hand of Mother Nature. There’s no other design in the natural world that matches the sense of awe in seeing remarkably alluring women with primordially passion inducing curves. Bless them, one and all. Huzzah!

Photo Credit: Archives

Claudia Romani Magical Thumper In See-Through Booty Shorts, Now That’s a Park!

As if going to the beaches in Miami wasn’t strain on the crotchal region enough, now just visiting the seaside parks can be something of a pleasant torture. Take for example Claudia Romani whose blessed killer tush will someday be my lawfully wedded booty. Oh, that bottomside on Claudia Romani, not the least bit hidden in this wonderful invention of see-through short shorts. I wouldn’t believe it if I weren’t seeing it for myself as we speak. err, leer.

There’s really nothing finer in this world than the perfectly alluring asstastic of a sextastic woman. Maybe the laughter and merriment of children. Naw, that’s kind of overrated now that I think about it. It’s definitely the asstastic. And with Claudia Romani, it’s so damn beautiful I feel tears welling up from deep down below. You’re no less a man for weeping at the sight of the magical thumper. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

Michelle Lewin Underboob and OverAss, I’m So in Love!

It’s not often I’m at a loss for words. In fact, ever since I became verbal at age six or so, I’ve been flapping my gums nonstop mostly about women, occasionally the international sport of skee-ball. But now, Michelle Lewin and her sextacular taut and tight and toned body out shopping in a half shirt and tight shorts. Wow, damn, silence.

If the pleasurable perusal of Michelle’s underboob doesn’t move you, then a peekaboo at her magically powerful thumper in those little shorts will likely do you in. Or maybe it’s a stroll along her worked out midriff that does it for you. Her outstandingly inspiring female form is like a map of extreme adventure. Did I mention damn already? I hate to curse, I can still feel the ringing in my ears from a cuff to the head by Sister Mary Alice, but Michelle Lewin makes me feel that much closer to he who endowed me with the spirit of mating. I need a chew towel. This is getting out of control. Michelle Lewin, you need to be registered as a lethal weapon. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

Claudia Romani Bikini Pictures for Thong Booty Lusters Everywhere

I’m not suggesting that the killer tush on Claudia Romani and I will have an open marriage post-nuptials, but I’m not the kind of guy who’s going to tell other guy’s they can’t look. Hey, why own a Ferrari and hide it in the garage? I actually can’t even begin to fathom that question. Nor why I would hold so tightly onto Claudia’s perfect thong clad asstastic that I’d cover it in burqas when out in public. Nay, art belongs to the entire world, even if I am the one polishing and oiling it each evening in the privacy of my home’s hot ass room. What, you don’t have one of those?

Winter is coming. But in Miami this means the finest bikini bodies are assembling on the beach. It will be tough for any body or booty to best the magical thumper on Claudia Romani. But I most definitely look forward to those undertaking such a mission. This is going to be most illuminating. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Miss BumBum Andressa Urach Topless Once More for Miami Heat and Bikini Asstastic Views

 
Click to See Uncensored

Ah, Miss BumBum of BumBum’s past, Andressa Urach is back and doing what only she can do on Miami Beach to get her curvaceous form into contention — taking off her top for some funbags in the sun time. Not that she’s the only one who can do this, but she is one of the few who dares to bare ta-ta’s on the shoreline where such exhibition is frowned upon by the po-po with I believe a death sentence in the State of Florida. It’s a risk worth taking I might add, ladies.

This isn’t just about sunbathing and prancing and preening, this is hot bodied sextastic international war daily on the beach. To paraphrase, you don’t bring a bikini top to a topless hot girl fight. Andressa Urach topless on a Jet Ski, now that’s an entry form filled out ever so perfectly. Well played, Miss BumBum, well played. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

See More Andressa Urach Topless in Miami Goodness »

Susy Gala Topless Pictures Celebrate Best Ass in Spain Declaration

 
Click to see Uncensored

Here’s what I love about the Spanish. Well, it’s not just one thing, but one more thing. Interviu magazine just named matured-themed film star Susy Gala as the best asstastic on the Iberian peninsula. That’s very liberal minded of them. Many countries might ding an adult star because of her more extensive work in the erotic arts, but Spain sees a job as a job and a booty as a booty and forgoes all the judging. I can’t imagine any U.S. magazines would do the same in their hottie naming lists. In fact, they almost entirely specifically exclude adult entertainers, even though several of them are well beyond good looking. Not all, but some.

So bravo Spains, Interviu, and most of all Susy Gala, whose more profound work I’m sure I can share with you in some measure, though for now, just her killer female form in her acceptance speech pictorial. It’s a mighty fine thumper. Si, Senor! Enjoy.

Okay, Susy at her day job:

Alexandra Eriksson Bikini Booty Could Sell Water to a Drowning Man

And back to the water. The bottled water and the water line. This creepy 138 water company is now doing two-a-days with crazy hot models by land and by sea, always ever showing more and more skin. It’s really something that needs to be investigated by the FCC or the FDA or EPA or something. I’m sure we have a government department for exploring the over-bikinization of America.

I’d stop showing this multitude of merchandising sextastic models, but, just look at the bikini booty on Alexandra Eriksson. How can you not share that with the world? To possess such a perfectly tanned thumper for just yourself, that’s downright criminal. Much like Pez candies or the flu, this is something you have to share with your friends. And all of you, you’re my friends. Though none of you send birthday presents. So not like awesome friends. Enjoy, Alexandra.