Asstastic

Claudia Romani Asstastic Bikini Pictures Showcase the Killer Tush

People laughed at me when I first announced I was going to marry the blessedly hot bottomside of Italian model Claudia Romani. Oh, how they had their chuckle. But who’s laughing now as my expressed affection for Claudia’s killer tush makes it’s way through the social progress that will ultimately allow me to raise the veil on those chicks and kiss them as my new bride.

Just to keep the engagement spicy, Claudia was flashing the shnozz out of her magical thumper in a tiny pink bikini in Miami. It’s hard to imagine the thrills galore felt by the simple act of my belusted raising her precious moon toward mother sun. A match formed in booty heaven. I really can’t stand this much longer. Claudia Romani derriere, we need to honeymoon but quick. Daddy’s getting idle hands. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Jennifer Nicole Lee Booty and Abs May Be the Happy Death of Me

I’m not exactly sure, but I believe the former BBW turned MILFtastic fitness guru Jennifer Nicole Lee is changing her clothes along the beach into the same clothes she was just wearing. Which, while somewhat mysterious, is certainly quite welcome when you’re revealing the JNL body and booty that features muscles so powerful, they can make a a man surrender merely by clenching.

Jennifer has become a workout fixture along Miami Beach, inspiring women to find their inner tight bodies and inspiring gentleman oglers to also find parts of their bodies. It really is quite the synergy. When her derriere starts poking sunward, the entire process begins anew to the sound of trumpets and the hope that there’s some lotion left int he fannypack. Nothing says welcome to my world quite like moms with sculpted abs. I’ll take an order to go, please. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Kylie Jenner Braless and Booty Rich in Tight Skirt, You Probably Shouldn’t Even Look

Kylie Jenner isn’t fooling anybody with her Stephen Hawkings lecture notes. Nope. As wildly intelligent as this youngest Kardashian appears, she’s really making the grade with her rather noteworthy teen body and the manner in which she reveals it. Even on a simple trip to get your nails done. Kylie Jenner is really hard not to ogle.

I’ll have to check with Business Practices again for precisely what I’m allowed to say about this innocent waif of a girl. But suffice it to say, had Kylie gone to school, she would not have suffered from lack of date offers or prom invites. In fact, I’m prepared to stage a fake prom that caters to the unschooled just to get her out for an evening in a pouffy dress and some Ryan Adams music. Something about that tight skirt on that booty and that tight tank top barely covering her… wait, the Business Practices email just arrived. And just in time. Wow, this is perhaps the most difficult part of my job. This and limiting myself to three spelling mistakes per paragraph. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

 

Kelly Brook Bootyful Bottom and Maybe a Little Toe in Stretch Pants

Oh, blessed stretch pants. How much appreciation you deserve, but unfortunately mostly only receive praise in women’s magazines talk about dressing comfortably throughout the day. Nay, you may be comfortable to wear, you are more than straining on the gentleman oglers who gaze upon your fabric stretched to the fare-thee-well over the curvaceous asstastic of Kelly Brook. So tight across her perfectly squeezable bum that you may very well be revealing some of her lovely cleft on the anterior. Absolutely delightful.

Kelly Brook has been hitting the gym hard and fast since landing her role in Ellen’s new sitcom about modern day families or something like that which will make it harder for me to watch since I have to to see Kelly Brook in the role of sexpot. Kelly’s clearly shaved a little off her sides while still maintaining that alluring sense of full-bodied woman that has made her the queen of daydreams the world over. Next time, let’s try even snugger stretch pants, Kelly. How tight can you take? I can go deeper. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: INF

Amber Rose vs. Kim Kardashian, Nekkid Ass Battle

With the current feud going down between Amber Rose and Kim Kardashian and the Kardashian clan, I thought I’d jump in the only way I know how, by showing off pictures of each’s bare ginormous backside allures and letting you decide who has the more faptastic fanny. It’s a crude version of Solomon’s wisdom I prefer to follow.

Say what you will about these backside on these two women, they’ve both made their living from or on their dumpers. So I’m going to call this officially relevant to their ongoing feud over the little rapper they both still pine for. Go figure. And leer. Definitely leer. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Egotastic Archives

Asstastic Claudia Romani Wants To Be Your Valentine

Valentine’s Day is this weekend and hot as F Claudia Romani wants to be your Valentine. In this shoot she posed in some lingerie and a big stuffed bear. The bra gave us some cleavage for the ages. Claudia has a spectacular pair of funbags of which I am a big fan. I always look forward to seeing those bouncing beauties on any bikini or lingerie spread. But it is her asstastic thumper that most excites me. She’s got a nice curvy bottom but her cheeks are firm and fully packed. She has the kind of booty that you want to marry and buy a house with so that you can see it every day. Seriously, I would sell my soul to Beelzebub just to touch that booty. And my touch I mean smack.

But lovingly, not rough. I’m not one of those Fifty Shades of Grey dudes that likes to whip chicks. Why would you do that to a hot girl?

Photo Credit: Enrique Romero Photography

Throwback Tribute To The 80′s Booty In Leotards


Could this be my favorite thing ever? It’s up there. It’s up there indeed.

Photographer David Hauserman got the bright idea to shoot a whole bunch of workout girls homaging the glorious leotard booty days of the 1980′s. Stretching, preening, bending, posing, sweaty, booty revealing. I’m kind of speechless, but in the chatty I’ve got to share this kind of way. No salad pictures or LOL cat video shares from Uncle Bill. Just this visually glorious look at aerobics life three decades ago when Spandex was all fresh and new and being dramatically over-used. Blessedly so. I need a moment to myself, so excuse me. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: David Hauserman For C-Heads Magazine