Egotastic
The other day I was thinking to myself, now, who is the manliest man in all of manhood and I really had trouble figuring out the answer. I ran through lists of great warriors, athletes, and part-time comic shop sales clerks and I really couldn't come up with one name that defined pure, raw, masculinity. Until I caught a glimpse of myself in my shiny Taco Bell chalupa wrapper. Right there under my own nose was that man hiding.
And, now, I want to share my instinctive (or is that instinctual) knowledge of the male species with Egotastic readers in the form of a weekly Q&A published on the site. That is, you ask me the tough questions facing you as a dude in a world that really does not like dudes any more, and I give you a completely free, hence, priceless bit of sagely wisdom in response. You'll feel cleansed, as if a soul-healing douche has been comfortably squirted through your entire body, rinsing you out fresh once more.
Click the Contact Us button on the site, subject matter 'Ask Bill' and ask away. Be troubled your heart no longer. The answers await. Ladyfolk, feel free to ask as well if it be knowledge about the male species you are seeking. No subject is off limits. Your first name and initial will be printed unless you ask to be anonymous in your email.
P.S. Yes, you can write in and call my mother a whore. But I'll tell you exactly what I told Child Protective Services when they used to come to the door and accuse my mon of the same things, 'Rent money was due, whatcha gonna do?
Ask Bill, Volume I
Wherein Egotastic! editor and part-time furniture salesman, Bill Swift, gets sober for a day and answers the questions that matter to you the most, even if for entirely dumb reasons.
Some questions he answers publicly for the general good, some in heart-warming confidential responses, and some are just too idiotic to deserve a response at all, like the ones his dad keeps sending him about new things to try with his mom in bed. 'One in the stink', dad? Really? That's just so wrong.
Bill, what is your least favorite nipple type? -- Mike
The ones attached to dudes.
Why do I love boobs so much? -- Eldon
Because it's the very basis for the survival of your species. When a baby is born, it has only one desire, to wrap its suckling mouth around an engorged funbag and feed. Babies can't even see their mother's face when they're born, but they can smell boobs.
As if that wasn't enough, Mother Nature gave men an instinctive ongoing sexual attraction to women's breasts. Did you know that the human female is the only mammal to have enlarged breasts even when not needed to feed an offspring? They are specifically built for sexual attraction, mating, and the continuation of the species. You can no longer stop loving boobs anymore than you can decide to stop breathing, so, take a breath, and, enjoy.
Where's the best place to pick up a woman at and what's a great pick up line to use once I'm there? -- Kevin.
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