All-Stars Posts:

Nicole Trunfio Topless Teats Ridiculously Hot in a Magazine Called Treats

 

My friend Barney Bustamante told me as a kid if you want to get with the girls, you need to learn a little poetry. That was Plan B actually. Plan A was being handsome and the captain of the football team. Plan B seemed lame, but so much more attainable. Oh, the lackluster verses I would pen for Aussie model hottie Nicole Trunfio, she of the long lean hotness variety now on display in Treats magazine.

How happy am I to see one of my favorite Down Under exquisite beauties flashing her glorious funbags in Treats? Oh, there's no known scale of measurement for such feelings. But it can best be expressed in the audible call of the Spring robin upon learning a mate will allow him to make some eggs in his lady. Best analogy I got. It's horrible. Enjoy.

Constance Jablonski Topless Sultry Fashion Artsy (Sorry) Goodness in Numero

 

Oh, how I love when the hot French models get all European and flashing their funbags for the style magazines. Honestly, it's proof that every cloud has a silver lining. For all the nonsense around fashion and style and pimping merch to the ladies, the upside is clearly the hot supermodels used therein, and in Europe, the insistence on showing some serious skin when selling swag.

Constance Jablonski floats my boat is so many different ways it's likely to capsize without proper ballast. She of the French hottie variety of young models discovered in some market as a teen because she just looked more promising than all the rest. Good pick. She continues to exude that passion inducing quality even in these primarily meant for the ladies fashion pics such as this spread in Numero magazine. Then, of course, there is the matter of the perfect body and luscious peaches I'd love to can and store for winter. That's not supposed to sound so horribly wrong but it probably does. Oh, Constance, let me be your scullery maid! Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Naked Topless Oily Full Frontal Too for Paper Magazine

 

Paper Magazine is calling this rather monumental naked pictorial of Kim Kardashian 'just broke the Internet'. I'm not so sure about that, maybe just busted a nut is more appropriate. Though there is no doubt that this is clearly Kim's riskiest photo shoot probably ever, at least of the paid variety and not shot on amateur tape by her boyfriend. This is more revealing than Kim's Playboy Magazine shoot even if you think about it. Or go look and compare.

I must admit, I'm shocked. I did not think we would see this. Or that somebody could afford so much baby oil. Kim shows all the parts that made her who she is today. I think there's something admirable about her doing this, beyond just the titillation of seeing one of the most sought after funtime girls all nekkid and topless and such. Kim doesn't care what you think. There's nothing she won't do to show she doesn't care what you think, including giving you exactly what you want from her. That's so damn meta. On this day, well done, Kim. Enjoy.

MIcaela Schaefer Topless and Oddly Third Funbagged At the Brandenburg Gate

 

I'm quite certain that when the Berlin Wall fell nobody anticipated that it would someday become a popular spot for German models to come and pose topless. Certainly nobody foresaw Micaela Schaefer in some get up that includes a fig leaf and what seems to be a third ta-ta. I'm not exactly sure I know what this exhibitionist prone TV hostess is up to. I'm kind of afraid to ask. In these situations I find it's best just to sit back quietly and stare at her body built like a playground for grown up men. I call dibs on the swings.

Micaela Schaefer is one of those women I truly respect if for no other reason than she likes to get nekkid a lot in public and prove to the world that outside of some uncomfortable feelings in the pants, no ill comes of seeing women without their clothes on. Electronics don't suddenly stop working, children don't become ax murderers, and the man above doesn't make it rain for forty straight days. Unless you live in Seattle, in which case that happens public nudity or not. Bless you, Micaela for all that you do to advance social progress. Three boobs, eh? That's something science definitely needs to look into. Enjoy.

River the Model Nekkid Hot and Au Natural in the Boudoir for Purple Magazine

 

Whenever performers or entertainers or models go by one name, I'm always forced to think, did they really earn that distinction or are they just claiming it. Kendall Jenner wants to be known simply as Kendall. Sorry, dear, you've got maybe a decade of being a supermodel before you earn the right to own the new age suburban girls name. But, now, there's the case of an L.A. model who goes by River. Just, River. Before I could even get into my judgmental phase on the naming, I ran into her photos shot by Darren Ankenman for Purple Magazine. Wow. Damn. And a few other phrases I can't recite because of the grade schoolers who read this cite from P.S 137 in Brooklyn. Hey, little fellas!

River is such a fine specimen of natural young blonde hottie model beauty, she could call herself Nixon and I'd be fine with it. Heck, I'd get a tattoo saying 'me and Nixon XOXOXO forever'. I am heels over head in lust with this ingenue and her spectacularly nature made female form. Well done, River. I am thinking of at least seventeen different naughty puns involving your name as we speak. I'd love to share them with you as we take pictures in my Red Roof Inn suites and delight in experiencing the teachings of my new book, Tantric Orgasm in Five Minutes or Less. It's Tantric for busy people. River, let's get on this. Enjoy.

Isabella Rossini Naked News Entertainment Report (Yep, She’s Nekkid and On Point)

 

It's time for the Naked News weekly entertainment report. Think of it as Entertainment Tonight if Mary Hart had ever answered my prayers and hosted the show nekkid. Never happened. But you can see Isabella Rossini, the fetching anchor on Naked News stripping down and talking Chelsea Handler and Mission Impossible. Now that's how to get your entertainment news. Sorry, E!, but your time is over.

Check out the Naked News Weekly Entertainment report VIDEO, is it NSFW, so, you know, close the door first. Enjoy.

Jennifer Akerman Topless Artsy Pool Hotness for Galore Magazine

 

Malin's little sister is doing alright alright if you ask my inner McConaughey. Unlike her older sister, Jennifer Akerman has focused mostly on modeling which is a career field often open to hot looking Swedish girls with outrageously alluring bodies.

Featured in the current issue of Galore magazine, Jennifer naturally slips into a pool with her clothes on, takes some off, shows off some faptastic funbags, and just looks all around Nordic passion inducing for the cameras. I'm not sure who spent the art ideating time coming up with the need for clothes in the pool, but at least they had the decency to let Jennifer unleash a bit of her raw nekkid chest puppy power that makes this one of my favorite pictorials of the week. If my Swedish were better, I'd say something naughty that means me hungry beaver, you tree. But it isn't. Enjoy.