chris-littlechild - December 26, 2015
As a little urchin, the holidays are just such a magical time. Leaving cookies and milk out for that fat guy with the reindeer, getting the fancy-ass robot toy you've been hoping for these last few weeks, firing foam darts at dad's scrote with it… these are the priceless memories childhoods are made of, right here.
As you get older, though, it all just becomes a bigger pain in the ass. Stress ulcers and expense, hangovers and kids hopped up on sugar, cooking for eighteen people because the whole damn family's over (even the ones you hate, which is most of them), all that fun stuff. Happy Scroogetacular holidays, everyone.
The reason so many of us are miserable ol' bastards this time of year is that adults just don't get fun gifts. That scrote-shootin' robot I mentioned earlier? I'd be all over that. Functional, practical presents? Screw them. I can buy myself socks or razor blades any other damn day of the year.
What did I ask Santa for this year? A Super Nintendo Chalmers, that's what. This custom console was made by redditor rori3, inspired by Springfield's very own Ralph Wiggum:
This was made as a white elephant gift, and as a fan of retro consoles, The Simpsons and witty wordplay, I give it seven thumbs up.