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Stupid Crap Sold On Coupon Sites: Rock Star Vibes Janis Vibrator

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bill-swift - December 2, 2015

Of all the coupon sites the one with the weirdest crap is without a doubt Groupon. Their "goods" section is the discount digital equivalent of the Skymall catalog they have on planes. In this week's installment we have something you don't expect on a site that also sells painting classes for kids: a hot pink vibrator called the Rock Star Vibes Janis Vibrator. It isn't disguised as a "back massager" either. It's a hot pink phallus with a silver bling ring. The box looks like a knock-off of an Ed Hardy t-shirt. Why is it called Janis? Because it's named after Janis Jopin...I'm not sure why. Nothing in the tragic singer's life screams "vibrator" to me. This is the way Groupon describes it:

"Inspired by the sensuality of rock and roll and named for Janis Joplin, one of its most vivacious stars, this vibrator is decked out in bright-pink silicone, echoing the pink feather boa Joplin sports on the cover of Pearl. The vibrator buzzes quietly as it cycles through multiple speeds, all the while treating skin to its pleasurable velvety cover, made without harmful materials such as phthalates."

Oh, good I'm glad it doesn't have phthalates...whatever that is. Maybe it's just me but I think using a coupon to buy a vibrator is just country. I imagine obese swingers in a trailer park in Arkansas buying this thing for their latest gross redneck orgy. "It's on sale and looks all Ed Hardy, y'all". Blech.

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