‘Star Wars Episode VII’ Casting Has Begun! Officially Confirmed By Exclusive Confirmation Officials

Begun the Speculation Wars have. The internet crapped itself yesterday when Deadline reported leaked casting calls for the seventh Star Wars installment. Apparently, Disney's Star Wars (we still get a little queasy when we type that) casting people sent out official calls for seven actors. They are as follows:

1) A young man aged between 20 and 25, witty and smart, fit but not classically handsome.  2) Man in late twenties, also fit, but this one is handsome and confident.  3) Late teenage girl, independent, good sense of humour, also physically fit.  4) Second young female, also late teens, tough, smart and physically fit.  5) Man in his forties, obviously physically fit, this one is a military type.  6) A man of around thirty or so, this one is an intellectual type.  7) A guy aged around seventy, strong opinions and tough.

The news has been out long enough for every nerd, geek, dweeb and spazz to go hog wild on every inkling of a rumor, notion or half-thought. The film isn't even supposed to go into production until January 2014 or hit theaters until the year after that, so we can expect more and more internet breakdowns as every piece of this process is scrutinized ad nauseam.

By the way, many Bothons died to bring you this report (and by 'Bothons' we mean 'mouse buttons' and 'died' we mean 'clicked').