St. Patrick’s Day Myths And Facts

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Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, the one day a year where we as a nation turn a blind eye to public intoxication. Also, because this year it falls on a Saturday, people won't have to worry about going to work hung over. Thirty-six million Americans are descended from Irish immigrants. That's 11% of the population! Those Irish sure like to breed. Festivals and parades honoring the saint began in the late 19th century as a way to celebrate Irish heritage.

Over the years, a lot of myths have been told about this drunkest of all holidays. So, while you are still relatively sober, check out these 5 facts about St. Patrick's Day.

St. Patrick Wasn't Irish

Not only was he not Irish, he was British! (Dum! Dum! Dum!). St. Patrick's parents were named Calpornius and Conchessa, and they were Roman citizens in what later became England. St. Patrick was kidnapped and sold into slavery when he was boy. The slavers took him to Ireland where he worked hard labor for many years. Why he would want to go back there is beyond me. Speaking of which...

St. Patrick Liked To Hang Out With Pirates

When Patrick was about 20, God appeared to him in a vision and told him to leave Ireland and go back home. So, Patrick took up with some pirates to give him a ride. Piracy between Britain and Ireland was pretty rampant, and then as now pirates were pretty rough. When St. Patrick got back to Britain, God appeared to him again and told him to go back to Ireland and preach the gospels. So, Pat got back on the pirate ship and returned to Ireland. Why can't God make up his mind?

The Snake Thing Is B.S.

This fact is commonly known, but people still repeat it. Legend has it that St. Patrick drove all the snakes in Ireland into the sea. Only Ireland never had any snakes. More than likely snakes are a metaphor for the native druid religion. Once St. Patrick converted the chieftains that ruled Ireland, he had them kill off the druid priests. So, he didn't so much drive them into the sea as had them stabbed in the face with a spear.

The Pinching Thing Is About Leprechauns

More recent Irish folklore has it that Leprechauns can't see the color green. So, if you wear green they can't pinch you. Apparently, leprechauns like to go around pinching people in Ireland. It's probably just some pervert who gets his jollies from pinching women and then blames it on mythological pixies. It caught on in America and now if you forget to wear green, some drunken moron will try and pinch you. 

The Whole Green Thing Is An American Invention

Yes, that most annoying of traditions was invented by us. The wearing of green came about as a marketing campaign by a department store in the early 20th century. Wear green on St. Patty's day and get half off kind of thing. In fact, in ancient Ireland wearing green was considered bad luck. But if you don't wear it people will harass you, so it's sort of an obligation. You don't want anyone pinching you.

I say that if someone pinches you tomorrow, that gives you the right to punch them in the shamrocks.

Article By Jack Tomas >

Tagged in: humor ,

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