Solange, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Adieu

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Sam Robeson - April 17, 2018

Um, did anyone else realize that Solange Knowles is the worst person on the planet? And yes, Jessica Chastain is still alive. Solange spent her early years in the often sizable shadow of her sister Beyoncé, but wore enough funky patterns and said enough buzzwords and got kooky enough with her hair that she was able to differentiate herself as a fearless indie darling. Convention? No thanks, says Solange. Standards? She has none. Solange is breaking all the rules. Just look at her statement hat thing in this photo shoot for Dazed. I don't want to say visionary. But... visionary.

In the accompanying interview in Dazed, Solange sounds like all art school students before life beats the shit out of them. I live near the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and if I was ever going to push someone into oncoming traffic, it would be one of these ironically retro-styled troll dolls in frisbee-sized glasses who I hear saying horrible unconscionable things like "I like James Franco." Solange is possibly worse than these lifelong baristas, because she doesn't seem to fully realize that if her father wasn't there to sign her up to his own record label, she'd be reciting beat poetry at open mike night at a Quiznos. But now she's somebody, and we get to hear about her creative process:

When I am creating new work, I always feel a bit unbalanced. The circles get darker, my jaw a bit tighter, my hair less combed, my spirits more unaligned. I don’t sleep very well. I’m always buzzing.

"My spirits more unaligned." Find a worse celeb quote from 2018. Here she is on saying more dumb things:

I’ve spent two Christmases, one Thanksgiving, one breakup, one breakdown and one birthday in St Elizabeth. I’ve spent many a day on the beach, just my son and I, both of us reading and running and smiling wide in the sun, tasting the salt in the corners of our mouths.

"Tasting the salt in the corners of our mouths." Alex, I'll take "things Solange said to her dad while earning her record deal." ALLEGEDLY. Finally, here's Solange on more stupid crap:

I start to chart out all the songs I’ve been working on, and give them intentions. My demo names are always a trip and have little to do with the songs. On this album, I might keep a few of them as real titles. We listen to a jam none of us even remember making in the wee hours and wonder if it’s too esoteric. Then I wonder if Stevie Wonder would like it. If he happened to like it, I wouldn’t worry so much about its life.

We're just too plebian for lyrics like "I hate seein' people rock the same style, at the time, they think that it is fly." Indeed. Well, this is the last time I'll be writing about Solange or even clicking on anything remotely pertaining to her, so everyone say goodbye to this horrible person.


Photo Credit: Splash News / Instagram

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