Smoke on the Water, Fire in the Sky! Tonight We All Burn Like My Mom’s Cookies!

This is it people. If you haven't banged your unusually hot cousin or told your boss to suck your manhood right through your pooper, you're already too late, because the End of Times is upon us. And while reports have yet to pour in from parts of the world where 12/21/12 has already begun, rest assured, that's only because their communication towers have been felled by fire and brimstone. Honestly, I can't even get a clear signal in L.A. unless it's perfectly sunny outside so I can only imagine what a little hellfire would do to reception.

If you're still without specific instruction as to how to handle the Apocalypse upon us, check out the last and final installment of Dispatches from the Apocalypse.