Smells Like Papal Spirit

Do you want to smell like Pope Francis? Of course you do! Lucky for you there is a new cologne from Excelsis Fine Fragrances based on Pope Francis. Excelsis previously made scents named after Pope Benedict 16th, but no one wanted smell like that. It stinks of bratwurst, the Hitler Youth, and Prada shoes. But Francis is incredibly popular and the cologne stands to make a great deal of money. Not that the pope actually smells like this. Given the fact that he is an old Latino man I need only look to my uncles to know he smells of talcum powder and Aqua Velva. Still, if perfumes are sold in the name of Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears, why not the Pope? In fact I think the Church is missing a golden opportunity to make some serious money with a line of Catholic cosmetics and toiletries.

Sure, the Church got in trouble in the Middle Ages for selling indulgences but this would be different. Who wouldn't want to cool their cheeks with St. Pius V after shave balm or moisturize with Transubstantiation with SPF 15? Women can wear Cardinal Red lipstick and Papal Caucasian foundation. Francis seems like a humble man so he probably would disapprove of something as flashy as a cologne. But maybe he'd be OK with some Pope Francis lip balm?