CELEBRITY

Shia LaBeouf Sells One Ticket

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Sam Robeson - April 5, 2017

Shia LaBeouf's new movie Man Down sold one ticket on its opening night in the UK. The next day it sold two more. If you're doing the math, that's fucked up levels of horrible. LaBeouf will turn this effortless into a performance piece. He’ll film himself watching one person watching his movie and screen it for one person. Unless no one sees it. Then he’ll film himself killing himself. Anything to make the deeper point nobody follows.

Man Down has 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's tough to do with dramatic films. With Kevin Hart movies it's simple and they sell way more than three tickets. Critics managed to stretch the word “shitty” into entire articles. LaBeouf plays a Marine who comes home from Afghanistan to find that the country is in worse shape than his pube beard. He must save the day. One person in the UK shelled out the US equivalent of $8.70 to see LaBeouf masquerade sucking his own johnson as a war movie.

LaBeouf is likely blaming UK audiences for not understanding the film. Or lauding the way in which PTSD and traumatic war injuries as so poorly handled in a movie about those very topics. His millions collected from subpar summer blockbusters of the past afford him the luxury of being delusional.

LaBeouf can be a rich fake artist until people care enough to catch onto him. The British started the ball rolling. Keep kicking until he stops making noise.

Photo credit: Lionsgate

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