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Sex With Pizza Not Advised

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bill-swift - February 27, 2014

A man who had sexual intercourse with a Domino's pizza not only received a response when he asked for his money back but a sincere apology. The man, "Lad_Vigo", claims that after knowing one of their pizzas in the Biblical sense he received burns on his penis and scrotum. He demanded that not only should Domino's return his money but that they should warn other potential pizzaphiles about the temperature of their pizzas. The back and forth went on for a while...surprisingly.It all began when Lad_Vigo tweeted,

"HELLO I'VE JUST MADE LOVE TO ONE OF YOUR PIZZAS AND BURNT MY PENIS SEVERELY. PLEASE ADVISE ON YOUR TERMS FOR A REFUND. THANKS."

Domino's responded by saying, "Please contact our head office - comments@dominos.co.uk regarding this matter." You've got to hand it to the British for their politeness. Where I live in New York they would have told him to go F himself and shoot him in the cock. Lad replies,

"DISGUSTING FOB OFF,YOUR STAFF SHOULD INFORM CUSTOMERS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PIZZA. WHY IS THIS NOT IN PLACE?"

A fair question. I guess it's probably because they didn't figure that people were making love to their pizzas. They again, reply politely, "Our apologies, we will look for a way to notify customers of this in future. Thank you for bringing this to our attention."

But Lad isn't done. He replies with this evocative image, "I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS, NOT HAPPY AT ALL, I HAVE A MULTITUDE OF PEPPERONI PIECES STUCK TO MY BALLS AND MY PENIS IS SCORCHED."

He then proceeds to ask if they cannot give him a refund if the pizza can just give him a blowy. Domino's, in true British cheeky style says, "It is definitely recommended, as that is not what is expected of our pizzas. We raised them better than that!"

There's not much to say about this.

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