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Selena Gomez, Simply Super Hot Mall Girl

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bill-swift - June 23, 2011

Te amo, Selena.

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night, in a panic sweat, with this horrible dream that my be-lusted Selena Gomez, so hot, so barely legal, such an amazing pretend singer, has sold her soul, not to mention her chastity, to The Devil's Midget, and I try as I might to win her back, I can't return her from the depths of shorty hell. It's really and truly frightening.

But, today, I take comfort in the simple sweet sextastic of the young diva in a Miami mall, to the throngs of screaming teen girls (that's another, much nicer dream I sometimes have but of which I dare not detail), just looking like the hot princess she is. The young woman whose feet I would bathe, whose body I would scrub, and whose father would have me quickly arrested. It all could be so perfect, Selena, if only we could drop that 90 pounds of excess dimpled boyfriend. Enjoy.

(Don't forget to join us in hating Bieber on our Egotastic! Facebook page)



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