Rob Gronkowski Hit It And Quit It

An Instagram model named Camille Kostek has been claiming to be Rob Gronkowski's girlfriend even though Rob's reps are completely denying it. Translation: He fucked her once, she wouldn't stop texting him, he became suspicious of her motives while he was balls deep in another shitty Instagram model, and his worst fears have been confirmed. 

Kostek is a former Patriots cheerleader with uncommonly rigid implants. Most pro teams, including the Patriots, have rules prohibiting players from interacting with the cheerleaders. If you're doing the math, the players obviously self enact these rules. Their collective bargaining powers are substantial, why would this be a deal breaker? It's because they know cheerleaders are often weird born-again Christian whores who are opportunistic and think they can bag a rich guy based on some tactics they saw on I Love Lucy. Morning breath is a bitch, and no I most certainly do not want to go to breakfast. Can I call you an Uber? Actually, why can't you pay for your own Uber? Wasn't this mutual? What do I owe you? 

Kostek went on Barstool Sports, which is a show Comedy Central picked up because it's a successful website and the people who get paid to develop shows need more time to order in takeout. On that show she was billed as "Rob Gronkowski's Girlfriend." That's preferable to Chick Who Saved Gronk's Jizz In A Baggie, but you have to admire her gusto.

I don't think you're going to get married. In fact, consider yourself banned from Boston's finest night clubs. That's not an easy feat, as they give you a discount if you puked on your jersey. You played this the wrong way, Kostek, you and the backup punter from Fargo State could have totally had a life together. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}