Sam Robeson - November 29, 2017
Earlier this week the homemaker of the North Pole herself, Mrs. Claus, showed up to a tragic D-list event looking a mummified off-brand Barbie with body parts so wildly misplaced that Picasso couldn't decipher what's going on. That sentence was to keep the magic alive for all the kids reading WWTDD. In actuality, there is no Mrs. Claus, but there is the Ghost of Prostitute Future, Tara Reid, and on Monday she was found haunting something called The Hollywood Christmas Parade. Her outfit harkens back to a time when Reid was actually famous, the 2000's, and it was either salvaged from a shuttered Kitson dumpster or found at Ross Dress for Less in the Strung Out Flea Bag section. Where Reid bumped into Mischa Barton. And Lindsay Lohan.
Like a melting candle, Reid's boobs seem to be gliding down her body, and will soon eclipse her belly button and even her man V cut. Maybe they'll even do her a favor and hide that belt at some point. Reid is easy to make fun of because she looks mauled and barely-alive, both of which are true, but I like to believe that she prefers that to just plain being pitied. Because if you think about it too hard, this could get real depressing real fast. Those sequin UGGs alone. But Reid is still living her life and proudly showing off her horrifying body, and you can't say that for many people who look like a jigsaw puzzle that wasn't assembled correctly. So let's raise a glass of eggnog to Reid for having the bravery to live with herself, and then throw it on her face where it belongs.
Photo Credit: Backgrid, Splash News
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