Polar Bear Dicks Snapping

A Danish study shows that the crappy plastic that water bottles are made of is damaging polar bears' dicks. If PCB is bad for giant bear cock you should probably get it out of your child's mouth asap. Apparently bears and most animals have a bone in their dick. We should get on that. A sample showed:

"Reductions in penile BMD [bone density] could lead to increased risk of species extinction because of mating and subsequent fertilization failure as a result of weak penile bones and risk of fractures."

It's bad enough we trucked them to San Diego and now we're fucking up their cool polar dicks. The scary thing is polar bears rarely use the dishwasher. This might be why my left arm keeps tingling. Could be the sixty beers but I'll blame it on Du Pont. Don't tread on me.

Photo Credit: Getty Images