Pluto’s Moon Will Not Be Named Vulcan And Shatner Is Pissed

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bill-swift - July 6, 2013

One of Pluto's moons will not be named after Mr. Spock's homeworld of Vulcan. You'll recall that earlier this year scientists at SETI, the agency that discovered two moons circling the former planet Pluto, let the Internet decide on what they should be called. In a campaign led by megalomaniacal actor and travel deal enthusiast William Shatner, Vulcan received a huge majority of the votes. It looked like one of the moons was indeed going to be named after the fake planet but then the boring nerds at the International Astronomical Union, (that officially names space stuff), said no. So, the moons will be named Kerberos after the three-headed dog that guards the underworld in Greek mythology and Styx after the 70's arena rock band that sings Come Sail Away. Needless to say, Shatner isn't happy.

How dare a science agency go against the will of the guy who plays James Tiberius Kirk? He was commanding a cardboard set that looks like a spaceship when most of these IAU guys were gleams in their nerdy father's prescription glasses. Who better than him to know what stuff should be called? When Shatner got the news he told Wired,

"What? That's impossible! I'm going to lead a revolt. Pluto is so big and cold that it deserved to have a hot little rock running around it, named Vulcan — for fire."

You can't argue with that logic, fool! By naming the moon after Mr. Spock's hot planet you'd provide the Plutonians with a stellar space heater to warm all 16 of the their toes. If I know Shatner, (and I don't), I'd bet that this isn't over by a long shot. He's probably on Priceline right now buying tickets to go kick the IAU's collective asses.

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