Kratos is the venerated protagonist of the God of War saga, a quasi-deity and formidable bastion of video game machismo across the cosmos. His inexorable penchant for pugilism and nauseating rending-nutsacks-in-twain brutality has precipitated the series’ acclaim; prequel God of War: Ascension, with its prospective March 12 2013 release, has rabid players in futile negotiation with Satan to exchange the soul of Grandma’s incontinent poodle, Sir Herbert Piss-stench III, for a fleeting provisional play. Kratos is afforded further kudos for his sheer virtual virility, having entered Aphrodite’s chamber (in both a literal and raunch-tastic manner. Look ma! I made a pun!) and engaged in nirvana of the 'nads. To wit: the sexy-sex.