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Ashley Tisdale Strips Down To Teeny Tiny Bikini – Huffington Post |
 Adriana Lima Gives Us Her Pouty Face On The Beach – TMZ | |
| Is Farrah Abraham Pregnant? – TMZ | |
| Jennifer Lawrence is still spilling out of this dress – Huffington Post | |
| Celeb Nude Scenes You've Never Seen Before – FOX News | |
| Angelina Jolie's Nude Photo Auctioned Off – Huffington Post |
Further anomalous revelations were this week imparted by a decrepit Nintendo brochure from the eighties. The epoch of ghastly sideburns and unwieldy, cumbersome cell phones AS LARGE AS KING KONG’S HAIRY GONADS also threatened to unleash the horror of the Nintendo Knitting Machine upon us. As the blurb merrily proclaims, “It's not a game; not a toy; not something a young girl can outgrow in three or six months or even a year. What it IS, my brethren, is THE MOST PREPOSTEROUS PIECE OF SHIT EVER WITNESSED BY MORTAL MAN.” (Quite sagaciously, we’d venture, the PR guys at Nintendo edited that last bit from the final pitch.) IGN reports that this monstrosity was featured at an electronics show in 1987 to ‘gauge consumer demand,’ and subsequently vanished. Presumably because the ‘demand’ encompassed being given the finger by every attendant, excepting a lone grandmother who ambled into the event in error, mistakenly believing she was at a dog show. The poor bastards that serve as Satan’s acolytes performed an hasty enema on their master, thus the Knitting Machine returned to whence it came.
Egotastic
