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Remember the old adage, ‘You can look, but you can’t touch?’ (Other variants include, 'It doesn’t matter where you get your motor running, as long as you park in the right garage,’ or 'HEY! PUT YOUR PENIS AWAY!’) It may have been instilled into you ad nauseum in the past (perhaps by your wife, that day the Playboy Bunny with a penchant for nudism moved in next door). The sage message here is plain, though: ogling is a victimless crime, a little pants-chafing notwithstanding. Street performer Damon Torres, alas, perverted this notion (with a capital PERVERT) yesterday. Allegedly. Kotaku reports that the man’s act constitutes photograph-posing and costumery, and in the line of duty, ‘As the AP reports, he grabbed a 58-year-old woman's thigh. Or, as the Daily News reports, he "touched her private parts," according to one security guard.’ These shenanigans from a Mario impersonator are sure to galvanize the world-domination plans of Nintendo’s PR dudes. Remember, gentlemen, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. We’d venture that these ‘groping saggy pensioner-parts’ capers may contest that theory.
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