CELEBRITY

Paris Jackson Joins Perfect Responders

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Lex Jurgen - April 4, 2017

There are first responders, who rush into buildings ablaze to rescue cats and children, then there are perfect responders, who find a single trolling social media commenter among their tens of thousands of blind sycophants to fire back the perfect response. 

Paris Jackson turned nineteen, or as her dad used to call it, seven years way past interested. That joke doesn't work since she's a girl. Boy penis has no known substitute. Jackson took the opportunity of her birthday to respond to a Twitter follower who noted that she had "put on a little weight". 

“Fuck yeah I have.”

Lady magazines and blogs went hog wild. Even though they can't write the word fuck in letters which takes away from any notion they could ever hang. Nor would they admit their own industry editors are far harsher on women's weight than any Internet commenter penning tepid critiques to Paris Jackson while going down on a found Fleshlight.

Numerous Jackson fans on Twitter praised Jackson for her ingenious smackdown and talked about their own weight issues. Which is really what this is all about. Living vicariously through tabloid celebrities offers quick self-described wins, but long run problems with mental health, normal human relationships, and pre-diabetes. So, the life of a fantasy sports fan.

Take a year off to raise a rescue cat and scrapbook your extended family tree. Date that older guy who agrees to be friends first and see where it goes. Jackson has something equally amazing lined up for twenty. 

Photo Credit: Splash News

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