Colleen Shannon Bikini Crazy Hot Body Pimping the Pricey H20

Colleen Shannon is definitely on my list of hottest ex-cons ever. I'm sure she's glad her recent prison stint past for doing some wrong things with the wrong boyfriend is behind her. I'm certainly glad it is. A body like this Playmate has should never be kept behind lock and key. It needs to be free. Free to please me. And others, you can look too, as Colleen rolls about on the sandy shores of Malibu pimping the mysteriously creepy 138 bottled water.

Not that I didn't imagine some conjugal visits with an amped up and horny Colleen Shannon at the Women's Central Jail, I mean, even as I kept waiting in line at the visitor's center only to have her turn down my requests for such physical interaction once again, I was still dreaming. And just look at that slamming bikini body. If dreams aren't built off that, I'm not sure how dreams work. Colleen, I'm pleased you're on the outside once again so we can examine your outsides once again. And perhaps someday your insides. There go my dreams again. Enjoy.

Paris Hilton Bare Midriff Happy Walk in Manhattan

As always these days, I must begrudgingly mention that Billionaire Barbie continues to delight in being who she is more than just about anybody else in this world. Talk about being comfortable in your own skin. This bumbling blonde heiress loves being a bumbling blonde heiress. There's something actual noble in that if you dig deep enough, as Paris does each morning in her extensive closets to find just the right silly designer outfit for her Barbie adventures.

Paris keeps herself in tip top photographic shape through all the seasons. Not every rich girl can get away with bare midriff looking so fit 365 days a year. But she does. She keeps at it, being the best walking recreational doll she can be. It's admirable. And I'm looking. And I'm wondering when Ken's going to pop by in his Lambo and pick her up for a swank date on his yacht. She's living the dream. Actually, really, a dream. Good for her. Enjoy.

Blake Lively Preggo Cleavo Hotto at the Angel Ball

The gushing celebrity world is gushing this morning about how husband Ryan Reynolds couldn't keep his eyes off of his glowing bride last night at the Angel Ball in Manhattan. I know just how he feels, albeit us gentleman oglers were probably a little less respectful in the angle of our glance toward Blake Lively now extra curvy in anticipation of the miracle of child birth. Blake has always been on of my faptastic favorites and now with the addd glow of chesty abbondanza which she was flashing in all kinds of directions last evening.

There's nothing more sextastic than an attractive woman who knows she looks amazing looking amazing. Well, for me, you throw in the sweet designs of pregnancy and something ever deeper comes alive. That sounded wrong, or maybe it was right on point. I do so love the glowing ladies with the swollen mams. Thanks to now seven years of therapy, I'm no longer ashamed to admit it. Blake, be my wet nurse! Enjoy.

Svea Berlie Topless Dutch Treat With Ginger Teats of Honey

 

Now, I don't for a second believe that Dutch model hottie Svea Berlie is a natural ginger. But the power of my mind to believe what it wants to believe is truly unparalleled in the realm of self-deception. So for today Svea is my ginger crush, all goofily made up, but undeniably hot and topless and flashing her pretty perfect puppies in this teasy Andrew Kuykendall photoshoot.

It's a truly wonderful thing that European models know, expect, and even encourage the topless style pictorials. I have to respect a value system that values fine female forms enough to show them off to an admiring public. I wish we could develop similar philosophies more domestically here where we still treat delicious mammaries as Satan's handiwork. Someday perhaps. I'll keep trying on my end. In the mean time, revel in the leering meal time that is the sextastic and topless body of Svea Berlie, a true Dutch treat. Enjoy.

Maitland Ward See-Through Dress Top Is the Eye Opening Kind of Fashion

Maitland Ward is desperately trying to show you her impressive funbags without going over the line of outright red carpet knocker flashing. I am desperately trying to ogle her proud pair, which makes us what you might call, synergistic in our efforts. This isn't Maitland's first attempt at showing off her outstanding hooters, she's been on quite a run of late. If you got 'em, flaunt 'em, I always say, you know, to the hot girls with big Funions. You can't just say that to everyone.

Maitland was at some PR fashion event in Los Angeles last night showing people the real purpose of hot women's fashion, to show off the body. If you want to admire the clothes for their own sake, you can flip through hanger racks. Nay, this is about flesh filled fantasies and how best to induce them. And Maitland has a very solid idea here. I applaud her fashion sensibilities. Well, one hand is holding the binoculars, so sort of more of a snapping in admiration. You go, Maitland. Enjoy.

Natalie Gal Flaunts Her Body At The Pumpkin Patch

Redonkulously hot person Natalie Gal showed off her ripe gourds at the Pumpkin Patch in LA. She was there to pick up some pumpkins presumably to carve for the Halloween. She took the opportunity to do some provocative sexy posing for the cameras. She was wearing a tight pair of pants that looked like they were painted on and a crop top which displayed her lovely bare mid-riff for everyone's viewing pleasure. She then used a couple of pumpkins as standins for her funbags. Halloweentime truly is a magical time of year when women dress scantily clad and behave in goofy/sexy ways. Natalie makes my Great Pumpkin want to come to her patch, if you get my meaning.

Yes, I did just make a Peanuts sexual double entendre. I'm that good.

Kim Kardashian’s Booty In Cutoff Denim Shorts In LA

Kim Kardashian wore an outfit on a Taco Bell date with Kanye West that showed off all of her best assets. First, she was sporting a pair of cut-off shorts that accentuated that legendary booty. Seriously, in the history of booties going back to the beginning of time has there been a greater butt than that of Kim K? I think not. Then she wore a sweater that had its entire back missing to further show off her amazing curves. Of course, she also forgot to wear a bra and she was nipping fiercely through the sweater's front.

Usually, when I go to Taco Bell I am just wearing sweatpants and an old Legend of Zelda t-shirt. Leave it to Kim to make even a run for the border an opportunity to sexy it up. Kanye got a Beefarito with fire sauce and his hotty wife on the side.