Dakota Johnson Topless and 50 Shades of Wet and Shimmering on Italian Beach Holiday!

 

Today seems to be shaping up rather nicely, with some alluring shapes that now includes the bare funbags of soon to be big time star Dakota Johnson frolicking topless through the shoreline water of Italy. While Dakota is known for some minor work and modeling and being Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's daughter, once 50 Shades of Grey comes out at Valentine's expect her starring submissive role to rocket her to the top of the media awareness charts. And now you can say you've ogled her sweet tender funbags. Though I wouldn't share that with your lady should you happen to be going to see this movie on Feb 14 of next year.

Short of perhaps making the sexy, my favorite backdrop for au natural ta-ta reveals might just be in and out of the waters of the topless beach. There's just something magical when you add in the sun and the water and the happy beach fun time splashes. Dakota Johnson and her untouched by 90210 perfect peaches are certain to be circling your libido like a pinball tagging every bumper. Soak it in, remember this moment, and be happy you chose Egotastic over Forbes this morning. Enjoy.

Bella Thorne Thong Bikini Disney Starlet Booty Show Might Just Break the Internet

I hate myself for that breaking the Internet nonsense. Only the FCC can actually break the Internet. Not even a nekkid Kim Kardashian can match that intrusively destructive might. Though fast rising TV and film starlet Bella Thorne might take a crack with her first ever thong bikini pictures from her vacation on the beach in Miami. Bella is another one of these grow'd up super fast Hollywood ingenues who have forgone the tedium of high school for fame and fortune. Oh, that I could have made that trade myself. I would have settled for just fortune really, fame is vastly overrated.

Bella Thorne isn't one of those obvious exhibitionists like her predecessor Miley Cyrus, even at the same age. Though she is a rather mature young woman who travels the world with boyfriend and not any parental supervision for some time now. When I was seventeen I was caring for myself too and would've punched anybody in the face who told me I was just a kid. Well, maybe kicked them in the shins, seeing as how I'm partially a pacifist. Bella Thorne is mightily in control of her own destiny. If thong bikinis and flashing her bare derriere on the beach is part of her plan, I am 100% behind her. I mean, I will literally be spending lots of time behind her. Enjoy.

Kim Kardashian Cleavy In A Super Tight Latex Dress In Melbourne

Every day I get up, make some coffee, and eagerly await news of whatever revealing outfit Kim Kardashian wore the night before. She rarely disappoints. In today's ensemble, Kim is sporting a TIGHT pink latex dress with a built in shelf to show off those legendary funbags. The bra part of the dress looks more like plastic and, as we all know, plastic doesn't adhere to the body. So, her thingies are more placed on top of the bra than actually being held by them. The result is cleav the likes of which are rarely seen on the Earth. The rest of the dress hugged Kim's famous curves and reminded us all of what a lucky SOB Kanye West is. She was there promoting her new perfume Fleur Fatale. I imagine you need a nice fragrance on your body after wearing a latex dress for a long sweaty night.

What I do know is that I look forward to seeing what surprises Kim has in store for tonight. Will it be a see-through top? A leather bondage outfit? Or will she just be naked? We'll have to wait and see.

Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima Present the Victoria’s Secret Angels $2 Million Fantasy Bras

Hottie duo Adriana Lima and Alessandra Ambrosio were on hand to reveal this year's Victoria's Secret fantasy bras in Las Vegas. Adriana was looking sexy in a form fitting black dress that hugged the contours of that famous frame. But it was Alessandra's revealing red dress that really got people's attention. It had a plunging neckline that gave you a nice view of her mighty cleav. A slit on the skirt also allowed a nice look at those gorgeous legs of hers. Each one of the bras and matching panties is worth 2 million dollars. The two of them will sport these redonkulously expensive over the shoulder boulder holders for Victoria's Secret catalog and runway shows. I'm not exactly sure what the appeal of a 2 million dollar bra is to the average horndog who ogles the catalog is or for that matter a regular Victoria's Secret patron looking for a underwear.

I guess the point is to show off how much money the company can spend on diamond studded bras. I can't imagine that those things are comfortable or offer very good support. Sapphires are scratchy.

Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Jugular Fun Time in Miami

Victoria Silvstedt truly is one of those miracles of superior genes and a touch or three of modern science. This statuesque former Playmate of the Year just keeps on keeping on in the hot bodied bikini category, lending her female form talents to the very lucky gentleman oglers of Miami Beach. Now, you may have to censor your own dreams to the fact that Victoria isn't perhaps general available for chatting up, unless you own say a steel company or at least a Ferrari made from it, however, leering at her impressive blonde and tan all over curves remains completely gratis.

The competition along the strip of sand on the shores of Miami for two-piece swimsuit dominance remains as fierce as ever. We're only now really getting into the high season that is winter in the Northern Hemisphere, drawing ridiculously fine bodies from all four corners of the globe. Rest assured that Victoria Silvstedt knows they're coming. Rest assured she's ready. Okay, now stop resting. Enjoy.

Jessica Davies Topless Selfies a Sextastic Salv for a Mammarial Monday

 

I firmly, but tenderly believe that boobs can save the world. Funbags are designed for two explicit purposes. To engender mating and calm nerves. I don't see what other types of medicines or cures we could ever need as a people. Sedate and calm and making many babies. That's how I imagine Utopia, you know, provided I'm heavily involved in that reproductive process and primarily with girls as fine and as buxom bodacious as Jessica Davies, kind enough to provide peeks at her sweet blessed peaks from within arms lengths.

Selfies really have become a double edged sword. There are the constant and tired mugs of your friends on Facebook and Kris Jenner, then there are hallelujah for technology moments like Jessica flashing her own hooters. I suppose that is the nature of all inventions and innovations, they can be used for good or bad. Jessica, these are very very good. Enjoy.

Jesy Nelson Knickers Flashes Performing with Little Mix in Birmingham

I must admit,  I'm not super up on on X-Factor created super groups. I kill it in NFL trivia at the bars, but if X-Factor girl groups came up, I'd be crushed. Little Mix is apparently all the rage. I think Simon Cowell invented them a couple or three years ago specifically to be popular and famous which sounds horribly cynical but pretty much describes the origin of all pop music.

One of the members of Little Mix, Jesy Nelson, got a little jiggy with her moves during a show in Birmingham England over the weekend and flashed her black knickers. Probably something that would've earned her a scolding from Her Majesty and perhaps a mild beheading at the Tower fifty years ago. In the day of Miley and Rihanna, it hardly moves the ticker, but I shall personally never look a gift upskirt in the mouth. Though that makes little sense. Well played, Jesy. Enjoy.