Rosie Jones, Kelly Hall, Lacy Banghard And Sabine Jemeljanova DD Deliver Us Onto March

 
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I miss my Page 3 girls, I really do. They didn’t technically go anywhere, but when the Sun pulled that stunt and pretended they were taking them away, I went through all twenty-seven stages of grief pretty quickly. Granted, twenty-four of those stages involved some kind of junk food or malted beverage. No reason you can’t experience anger and disbelief while eating some Doritos and cleansing the palate with a Pacifico. So, the girls technically never left, but my feelings got misplaced. Beneath all this muscle and more muscle, I’m sensitive guy.

Still, I want to check in with my lovely British lasses semi-regularly just to make sure they’re doing well and their funbags are still all kinds of stupendous. Which, indeed is the case for our lovely Rosie Jones, Kelly Hall, Sabine Jemeljanova, and Lacy Banghard. Four ladies I’m proud to call platonic friends. Okay, I’m not so proud about the platonic part. Give them a gander and an eyeball hello. It’s been a while. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Page 3

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Kate Mara Shows Off Sexy Fit Body In Women’s Health

Actress and professional hot person Kate Mara shows off her incredibly toned body in Women’s Health Magazine. In this spread she wears some workout clothes that certainly is giving me a cardio workout. Her sports bra is full up with her fantastic boobage. I know whenever I watch House of Cards I certainly enjoy watching those bad boys bounce across my screen. She’s got a ridiculously fit and toned midsection which you can also see from the workout pics. But let’s not forget about her legs. Sweet Lord Jesus, if you are listening, please send her in the night to wrap those silky legs around me. I’ll never ask for anything ever again. Amen.

But for serious, she’s a good actress too. She’s really the whole package: boobage, tight stomach, long legs, and talent. Not necessarily in that order.

Photo Credit: Women’s Health Magazine

Rita Ora Looks Chesty In Plunging See Through Dress

Singer and busty vixen Rita Ora took her girls out on the town in a plunging see-through top. Rita has got a pretty serious pair of funbags. These aren’t ta-tas to be taken lightly, my friends. No, they take an experienced boobsmith to handle. I remember seeing them for the first time on some awards show and thinking, “If they gave out awards for boobage, this girl deserves the grand prize.” And this outfit is particularly amazing because you can see the whole package underneath the thing transparent material. It’s like the window of a candy store where you can only press your face against it to see the delights inside.

But seriously, her boobage is out of control. I’m going to check our archive for some bikini pics and keep my admiration for her yum yums going.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews/INF

Italian TV Diva Melissa Castagnoli Shows Off Her Killer Curves In Tiny Thong

Italian TV starlet and all around extremely good looking visitor from The Boot, Melissa Castagnoli, decided that a tiny black thong bikini was the appropriate wardrobe for her introduction to Miami Beach. It’s like she’s reading my mind, or my fashion blog, UsingTargetCouponsWisely.com. I can’t imagine a bikini fitting a young smoking sextastic woman any better, well, maybe if it fell off. That’s always truly the best fit.

With Spring nearly springing in Miami, you can expect the international invasion of fine female forms to once again pick up along the Atlantic shoreline. As the competition grows, expect the bikinis to shrink, though I’m not sure how many inches of material you could cut from Melissa’s thong before she was arrested. A victimless crime if there ever was one. Melissa, welcome, please, don’t ever ever leave. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kaley Cuoco Goes Chesty Big in Nightgown for the Biggest of Bangs

I must admit I’m in the crowd who wonders why Kaley Cuoco cut off her long blonde locks and went for the tomboy look. It seemed something akin to a crime against humanity. Thankfully, she did nothing to reduce the size of her spectacular racktastic, which she was showing off in some evening wear in a recent episode of Big Bang Theory. I don’t watch much network television. Canned laugh tracks make the tinker toys that hold together my brain come loose. But I do delve happily into the warm large bosom of Kaley Cuoco, wherever, whenever.

There’s some saying about if you live long enough, you will see everything. One of the reasons I ever consume a vegetable is so that I might linger until the day we get to see Kaley Cuoco flashing her funbags bare and beautiful. I hope it’s not too much longer. I despise things that grow up from the ground, much preferring life forms that fall to the ground. C’mon, Kaley, Uncle Bill can’t take many more carrots. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: “Big Bang Theory” CBS

Rihanna, Brooke Burke And Miley Cyrus All Part of Happy Spandex Asstastic Day on Egotastic!


There are two pieces of advice my father gave me I hold dear to this day. The first was to take the time to stop and smell the roses. The second was to grow up and go find a place of my own to live. When you’re nine stuff your dad says leaves an impression on you. In honor of the former, today I wanted to stop and smell the Spandex covered booties. We see so much hot celebrity asstastic in stretchy shorts and leggings I feel we sometimes take this modern trend of awesome quite for granted. It would have us killed in certain parts of this globe. Her, it’s just killing us kindly.

Delve into Rihanna, Michelle Lewin, Brooke Burke and others flashing beautiful cans of all Tinsel Town ages. Hip hip hurrah for the sweet seat meat and the manner in which it cushions our hearts and other vital organs. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Egotastic Archives

Elsa Hosk Lingerie Goodness And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Elsa Hosk wears see-through lingerie for Victoria’s Secret. (Drunken Stepfather)

Relive your 90′s private schoolgirl fantasies with these pics of hot chicks in thigh high socks. (The Chive)

Elle Evans is an expert at turning me on via Instagram. (TMZ)

Cameron Diaz is wonderfully cleavtacular in Cosmo. (Huffington Post)

Anais Zanotti wears a bikini just for you. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez in thigh high leather boots? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)

Khloe Kardashian‘s abs are out of control. (The Superficial)