bill-swift - November 17, 2011
Back in the day, this kid Steve Fairly-Weathers had a brilliant idea to get a bunch of us high school kids laid. We'd invite over a bunch of girls from school to his place for chips and dip, and subtly drop in the adult films he had procured from his friend who had a friend who worked at a black-bag video store. Surely, the members of the fairer sex would be so overwhelmed with uncontrollable urges brought on by Ron Jeremy as the grabby office boss that a veritable bacchanalia would break out and a Roman style orgy would ensue. Yeah, no. Steve Fairly-Weathers got punched in the stomach by a girl named Sue and the Vice-President of the Chess Club I had a crush on called me a pervert and told me not to talk to her at school ever again. Point being, the man's way is no way to get a woman.
The same can be said when it comes to the world of women's fashion. Granted, what we know personally about fashion can be summed up as 'quick trip to Target to buy new retro t-shirts, don't forget coupons', but when it comes to the clothing for the hot ladies, we surely have preferences, generally starting with no clothes, and pretty much concluding there. However, early life lessons learned the hard way, if you want to get the sexy ladies to show up, you can't have a nekkid fashion awards. If only. So you need to put together something like the Vogue Fashion Fund awards, where the hot celebrities can get all decked out and compliment each other on how amazing they look even though they're jealous as hell of each and the in-tuned male of the species can tell them how amazing they look because he knows that's one of the five secret keys to opening the lady vault and, suddenly you have a thing.
And that thing brought out the likes of Rebecca Romijn, Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried, Allison Williams, Rooney Mara, and Karine Vanasse. A full on sextastic bunch of grapes. And nobody had to get punched in the stomach. This is the value of forward thinking. Enjoy.
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