Ninja Robberies On The Increase In Florida

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bill-swift - May 10, 2014

A rash of robberies in Florida is being blamed on a gang of ninja thieves. The shinobi burglars have been spotted breaking into a series of McMansions throughout Collier country. One of the ninjas, apparently the leader, also wears a fedora. Great, that's all I needed was hipster ninjas. A couple was victims of a home invasion when the ninjas arrived and found the couple at home. They definitely identified the hipster ninjas, they had only been seen in security footage before. It's a sad day when ninjas have to turn to robbing people to survive. I guess these ninjas must be ronin because if they had a lord they would be well provided for. I'm also pretty sure that a true and gracious shogun wouldn't let one of their ninjas take on a pretension of wearing a fedora. I'm pretty sure that his lord would command him to commit sepukku. Better an open belly than a hipster.

The cops haven't captured the ninjas...because...they are friggin' ninjas. Good luck with that, cops. Only a ninja can take on a ninja. Everyone knows that.

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