My Suggestions For JK Rowling’s Next Book, “Harry Potter & The Mid-Life Crisis”

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bill-swift - September 28, 2012

JK Rowling announced yesterday that she may go back and write some more Harry Potter books while she was promoting her new adult book The Casual Vacancy. She said she might write some more stories set in Harry Potter's magical world of Muggles and ginger Weasleys, or even come out with a "director's cut" of the original books. I can't say as I blame her. Rowling is the first author in history to become a billionaire from her work. As a largely unappreciated writer myself, (except by you my loyal Egotastic! readers), I would like to help out Mrs. Rowling. I don't need billions for my help, maybe a mil or three. In the epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, we see Harry and his pals in their late 30's sending their kids off to Hogwarts. I would like to just spitball some ideas for Harry Potter & The Mid-Life Crisis.

So, Harry has a desk job at the Ministry of Magic that he hates. Like a washed up high school quarterback, he constantly forces people to listen to the same old stories of when he peaked in life at age 17 and defeated Voldemort. He starts cheating on Ginny with Draco Malfoy's twenty-year-old daughter Vaginator and has his ear pierced. Meanwhile, Ron gets some hair plugs but they end up being evil hair plugs that turn him into a baddie. Hermione has to defeat her husband's evil hair plugs while trying to make her appointment for a yearly mammogram. In the end, Harry goes crawling back to Ginny after he can no longer keep up with Vaginator's voracious sexual appetites with out constantly zapping his penis with a Wingardium Viagrosa spell. Ginny forgives him, too set in her ways and drunk most of the time to care. Oh, and Hagrid has prostate cancer. What do you think, JK?

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