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Miley Cyrus Updates to Pansexual

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Lex Jurgen - August 28, 2015

A couple months ago Miley Cyrus announced she was sexually fluid. Which grossed most people out and made me never want to eat crab again in my lifetime. In the new edition of Elle U.K, Miley has updated her sexuality to pansexual, which sounds like sexually fluid, but with a no german shepherds clause:

I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn't involve an animal and everyone is of age. Everything that's legal, I'm down with. Yo, I'm down with any adult -- anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me. I don't relate to being boy or girl, and I don't have to have my partner relate to boy or girl.

She sounds like a serial rapist who had her public statement reviewed first by her team of attorneys. Anybody above 18 that doesn't involve animals leaves open a lot of shit some outside the Caligula party might find distasteful. But something I'll keep in mind when your uncle is pounding your ass with items from the Hickory Farms Orchard's Bounty gift basket and I don't call the cops. I'm not sure if magazine reporters keep asking Cyrus these questions just to get something quotable or if Cyrus insists on bringing it up. We should probably get gag orders against them both. Pansexuality seems complicated. Miley must be really smart.

Photo credit: Elle U.K.

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