Michael Bay Hires Megan Fox For TMNT, Ruins Your Childhood

Michael Bay has hired Megan Fox to star in his new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. How many things are horrible in that sentence? Everything. The boom-happy director took to Twitter to announce that he cast Fox, an actress who makes up for her complete lack of talent with giant boobies. It's surprising because Megan committed the biggest sin in Hollywood: badmouthing the producer. During production of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Fox called Bay "Hitler" because he wanted her to show up on time and know her lines. I guess he forgave her. She does have very large breasts, after all. Whether Megan is in TMNT or not, it doesn't stop the worse part of the whole thing: That it's being made in the first place.

Men of my generation grew up with the Turtles. The TV show, movies, and comic books filled our days with mutated amphibian martial artists. Bay is going to ruin this movie. When he reaches a difficult point in the script or has to cover a quick scene change, he just blows something up. What's he going to do when she can't deliver her lines right? Blow up her boobs? I'm guessing that Fox will play April, the Turtle's human female buddy. What's next? Will Smith's kid as Casey Jones? Shia LeBouf as Michelangelo? I think not. It's been said that 90% of directing is casting the right actors. If that's true, then he must be the worst  director in Hollywood. That and because he sucks.

In the meantime, here is a scene from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze where the Turtles breakdance to Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap.