Meanwhile, at Microsoft: It’s the Xbox Onesie

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chris-littlechild - August 23, 2016

  Now, when it comes to onesies, I’m a little conflicted. On the one hand, when worn by small children, these things are freaking adorable. When I have a lil’ son or daughter, you’d better effing believe they’ll have a different animal outfit for every day of the week.  

On the other, there isn’t an adult alive that can actually pull one of these things off. You want to look like a pathetic man-child, you have at it. Unless you’re doing it for a good cause, like your three-year-old’s birthday party or one of those look-like-a-ridiculous-asshole-for-charity sponsored things, that’s a no from me, buddy boy.

All of that said, I don’t know how in holy hell this came about. Maybe finally outselling PS4 for the first time in forever went to Microsoft’s head. Whatever the case, I present to you… the Xbox onesie.

This bad boy was just revealed by Xbox Australia, a limited edition design to mark the release of Xbox One S. Its features, CNET reports, include ‘…giant pockets to fit controllers and remotes, an extra-large hood that can accommodate a gaming headset, an arm pouch for your mobile phone, forearm grips "to prevent slipping on those 'edge of your seat' moments," arms and legs that can be rolled up for warmer weather and custom gamertag embroidery.’

Yep. You heard. Custom gamertag embroidery, gents. How did we ever wear garments without EliTEQuickscopR1989 proudly emblazoned on them? This is the future, Ego-friends. The future is RIGHT DAMN NOW.

If you want one of these things (and I won’t judge your horrible, horrible-ass taste if you do), Microsoft will drop details on their availability ‘soon.’ Apparently.


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